Disturbing Desires - Snarry
by Enigmatix
Summary: SLASH -Confusion about your sexuality leads to some massive emotional bouts in life, esp for Harry who finds himself in a situation where he loses his best friend, his well thought of girl friend...and for who? The man he loathed the most: Professor Snape
1. Chapter 1

WARNING! WARNING! - CONTAINS SLASH CONTENT...DO NOT READ IF HOMOPHOBIC!

THIS IS THE FIRST INSTALMENT INTO MY STORY ENTITLED 'TELL NO LIES' FEATURING SEVERUS SNAPE AND HARRY POTTER! DO ENJOY

**CHAPTER ONE**

'I often wonder what you see in him', Snape asked.

He strode once more to the other end of the small corridor and then looked at Dumbledore, who was smiling.

'He's such a nice boy, Severus', he said, looking over his half mooned spectacles into the distance.

'Nice?' Snape asked sarcastically, 'nice is too mellow a word for such a work of James himself...'

'But his eyes', Dumbledore said, cutting him off, 'like I often remind you, Harry has the exact shape and colour of Lily's...'

'_Stop it_!' Snape exclaimed and he stopped.

'Why is it that when I mention Harry having her eyes, you cringe?' Dumbledore asked, a smile playing on his lips. He reached up with a frail hand and fingered the red band on his grey beard.

'I don't like when you mention _her_', Snape said curtly, turning back to stride across the floor once more.

'Are you sure it's _her_ you don't want me to mention?' the Headmaster asked, now pressing his fingertips together.

'What does that mean?' Snape asked now stopping once more, his back against Dumbledore.

'Constantly talking about him, nagging me about how arrogant, how self centred he is, yet', and Dumbledore scratched his head, 'you seem to try to fool me that you don't feel for him.'

'What?' Snape asked and Dumbledore seemed to have known his face was flushed with colour.

'Oh don't blush Severus, it makes my nerves tingle', he said smiling, 'to have a death eater blush is one of the rarest things I find normal.

Snape reached out with his hands and held unto the concrete railing before him, trying to steady himself. He could feel the wave of emotion rising inside of him as he again thought about Harry and wished it would stop. Looking up at the sky, he became quite flushed as he wondered what James was probably thinking of him at the moment.

'You love him don't you?' Dumbledore asked, a slight tinkle in his voice.

'Yes', Snape quietly said, his head bowed and his hair falling like a curtain around his head.

'I'm always right on such matters. As much as you try to block your mind from me Snape, I do have other ways of finding out things. What are you going to do about it?'

Snape's head jerked up at this, 'nothing', he said quickly.

'Nothing?' Dumbledore asked, 'don't you want to act on it? After all, I bet he most likely feels the same way for you', and he chuckled.

'How touching', Snape snidely remarked, 'I bet Sirius would love for me to...act on it.'

'Oh I can imagine his facial expression when you succeed', Dumbledore said between a laugh.

'I would never succeed. Potter hates me', Snape pointed out.

'Because you show hate only towards him. Change your ways towards him and I bet you'll be surprised. After all', Dumbledore said quietly, 'you'd be surprised at how similar he is to Lily, more than meets the eyes of course'. And he turned around and descended the stairs, leaving Snape standing there speechless.


	2. Chapter 2

'Now today', Snape said passing through the aisles, observing each student as he went along, 'we're going to focus on making a Draught of the living dead. Yes', he quickly said as the students began to protest, 'turn to page 224. You have fifteen minutes. Begin.'

His eyes lingered on Harry as he wove his way through the aisles, checking on Draco then Crabbe and Goyle as well as Seamus and Dean. The boy was always hopeless at Potions. He noticed that Harry was already throwing ingredients into his cauldron, taking his time to stir it exactly as the book instructed and he stood and watched for awhile, from a distance. Harry measured an ingredient then threw it into the cauldron, peering inside cautiously then he looked back into his book, running his finger down the lines.

'Too much of that, Mr. Malfoy', Snape muttered as he walked slowly towards Harry's table which he was sharing with Ms. Granger and Mr. Weasley and Malfoy quickly withheld his hand from throwing the ingredient into his cauldron.

Harry's back was to him so he couldn't tell what expression was on his face as he obviously was trying to read the steps carefully and not make any mistakes. He scratched his head lightly then proceeded to stir his concoction as instructed, unaware of Snape's eyes on him. He approached Hermione's side of the table and peered into her cauldron, observing that she had added one wrong ingredient to which had her concoction boiling up to a steamy pink glue like substance. She looked up at him as he approached and accidentally slipped another teaspoon of pepper seeds to the cauldron.

'Careless Ms. Granger', he said smirking and was so close to Harry, he could hear him whispering the steps under his breath.

'Add one pinch of pepper seed dust then stir anti clockwise', he was saying and Snape couldn't help but allow a small smile to play on his lips.

Harry then began to open the bottle of pepper seed dust and knocked over another bottle of bee wax. Snape quickly waved his wand to clear it up and bit back a retort, his eyes still on Harry who was trying as hard as he could to not look at him.

'Mr. Weasley', he said moving towards Ron, 'what page are you at?'

Ron suddenly looked down at the page number and saw that he was at page 274. He was currently concocting a potion to get rid of dog lice.

'Scourgify', Snape said with a flick of his wand and Ron's entire cauldron became empty, 'zero, Mr. Weasley and you Ms. Granger.' He moved towards her and peered into her cauldron, 'read step four.'

Hermione looked down at step four then cleared her throat, 'add a...a pinch of...'

'Repeat that please'.

'Add a pinch of pepper seed dust to the...'

'Did you do that? Ms Granger?' Snape asked, looking at her and she coloured lightly.

'No, I...'

'Next time, follow instructions. Scourgify', and the contents in her cauldron disappeared as well.

She and Ron proceeded to sit down and they watched Harry as he continued to follow the steps, in completing his potion.

'Don't sit around idling you two', Snape said curtly, 'go over and help Ms. Brown and Ms. Vane who seem to be as helpless as you two were. You might just be able to scrape some marks if THEIR potions come out as it should be.' And Hermione and Ron hustled over, leaving Harry at the table alone.

Snape silently came up behind him, observing him as he continued as if there wasn't any distractions and couldn't help but try to follow where he was. As if sensing Snape was behind him, Harry almost began to stir the potion clockwise when Snape reached out quickly to steady his hand with his. At Snape's touch, Harry slightly jumped back but allowed him nevertheless.

'ANTI clockwise, Potter', Snape said softly and he moved in, his body pressed to Harry's back, then guided Harry's hand to stir the Potion anti clockwise.

Harry became tense with the proximity of Snape's body to his and he felt his hand become cold and his knees weak as Snape guided his hand as he stirred. What was happening? he thought as Snape stepped back.

'Continue'.

And Harry could tell that he was still standing there, observing him. He was at the second to last step and took up the measuring cup to measure out a neat half cup of some sort of ingredient he couldn't pronounce, then he slowly added it to his cauldron, doing as the instruction said which was to add it slowly, bit by bit. Looking around over his left shoulder, and trying to not look at Snape, he observed the others and saw that they were not getting anywhere. Malfoy's potion was bubbling over his cauldron and so was Dean's. Seamus' had turned a bright orange and Crabbe and Goyle were covered in theirs. As for the others, they were as hopeless as ever. It seemed as if he was the only one able to reach thus far without making a mistake, maybe that was why Snape was lingering around him.

Pulling up a stool, Snape sat down next to Harry, and watched him as he worked; making him nervous as ever because he was sure at any moment, the man would empty HIS cauldron. By now, everyone had noticed him sitting next to Harry and Hermione threw a puzzled glance at Ron who was trying not to allow Lavender to make any mistakes.

'Look at that', Malfoy whispered to anyone who would listen, 'Snape probably is waiting on him to _finish_ to empty his cauldron.' And he as well as Crabbe and Goyle chuckled.

'His looks normal to me though', Dean mumbled, trying to sap up his desk with a cloth.

'I've never seen Snape give Harry all that attention before in my life, except to insult him, but even those times are brief', Romilda whispered, and she realised that she had skipped a step.

Harry didn't hear them and maybe neither did Snape, who was watching Harry finish up by adding his last ingredient then with a steady hand, he stirred the mixture. By now he was beginning to relax a bit because he figured that if he had done anything wrong, Snape would have emptied his cauldron. He was just not sure why in the world Snape was sitting by him observing him because it had never happened before.

He sneaked a quick glance at his least favourite teacher and saw that he was looking at him with interest in his eyes and a bit of intensity as well. Then he remembered that the last time Snape had pulled up a chair next to him in class had been since in first year when the man had wanted to ignorantly answer his own questions that he had forcefully asked Harry, trying to humiliate him. Snape was lightly drumming his fingers on the table and when Harry looked back at him, he found that the black eyes were on his green ones and for a moment, what he saw in them was...but it couldn't be that, it had to be something else. It would have made Harry believe that Snape...

Suddenly a loud explosion came from Malfoy's cauldron, and the contents shot up and around, covering Dean, Seamus, Crabbe and Goyle. Snape got up fast and swept towards their table, and waved his wand quickly, removing the potion from them then he turned on Malfoy.

'What was that Mr. Malfoy?' he asked coldly and he made his way around the desk then peered into Malfoy's cauldron. 'Is that a red concoction I'm seeing?'

'Well sir I might have...'

'Screwed it up', Snape said cutting him off, 'scourgify. Zero for your stupidity.' And he walked back to his desk.

'All those whose cauldrons are not empty at the moment, please fill your flasks and produce the concoction to me...as for the others', and he eyed Hermione, Ron and Malfoy, 'F.'

Harry didn't wait on Hermione and Ron but packed up quickly then took up his bag and left, feeling Snape's eyes on him as he went out the door.

Snape's eyes indeed followed Harry out the door, and when Malfoy had come up to him, trying to beg for a make-up test, his attention focused on him, ready to insult.


	3. Chapter 3

(Hey readers before I allow you to read my 3rd Chapter to this story, I just want to fill you in on something very important. This story is one that is mainly based on a very painful experience that I had about two years ago when I was in school. You see, I began to develop a very serious crush on my teacher who was also a woman and there were some very stupid mistakes that I made in dealing with my feelings towards her. In this story, I am using Harry to play out my part and how I felt and Snape is the teacher that I had a crush on. You might ask how is this so when Snape seems to be the one that has a crush on Harry, but read on and you'll see the rest of my story. It's a very deep one and many of times you might find that I am delving in too deep with emotions and so on but I've always wanted to get it down to share with others, just to see if anyone else ever had an experience like this. Please enjoy. Imagine, up to this day she still has an impact on me. I can never get over her )

Chapter Three – The Lingering Tingle Of His Touch

Edited By Kate Warren

Spoiler: 'Harry, can I ask you one question? Please be honest with me', Hermione said clearing a few crumbs from the side of his mouth.

'Sure. If it's about Snape then you know I'll surely answer you truthfully.'

'Alright, well let's just say Snape began to make advances on you, would you allow yourself to give in to those feelings again?'

OoOoOoOoOo

Harry was the only one in the Common Room that night when Hermione came in after having dinner in the Great Hall. She had an armful of books in her hand and as she saw her best friend sitting there just staring into the fire, she immediately dropped them into a nearby chair and sat quietly next to him. His face was hard to read at a time like this because he was the type of boy that never seemed to allow other people to know that something was bothering him. Many of times Harry would be in so much agony or distress and he would manage to crack a smile at her and Ron. Other times like this one, he just chose to remain quiet in his own world, avoiding company and giving himself time to think things through.

Of course she knew what was bothering him. Even before Potions class had finished, Harry had left the room so quickly that she didn't even see him go. There she was, now helping Katie Bell to fill up her flask of her concoction to take up to Snape and before she could even rush up to talk to Harry, he had left. Of course Ron noticed as well. He was a bit furious as to why Harry had left with such haste but Hermione knew better than to tell him why. She clearly knew what had happened and why Harry was so quiet now. Taking his right hand, he felt him jump slightly and he turned to face her, obviously now aware that she was right beside him.

'Hey, Hermione', he said softly and she couldn't help but pat his cheek lightly.

'Harry I brought this up for you.' And she handed him the cinnamon roll and pine tart that she had brought up.

He took it and she hugged him. Harry looked down at the pastries and then took a bite of the roll, chewing slowly. She just never wanted to see him this way because it pained her to know that he was hurting. Why the hell did Snape had to even do that to him today? She thought as Harry took another bite. Harry had suffered enough.

'Do you want to talk about it?' she asked and he swallowed then nodded once.

'Well there isn't much to say, Hermione. Only that now thanks to him, I'm even more confused about my sexuality than I was before.'

'He managed to break down the barrier didn't he?' she asked leaning over to kiss him softly on his cheek and he leaned in to her.

'Yes. More like he vanished it as soon as he held my hand today. You know what the weird thing is? I've spent so much time getting over him, trying to rid myself of actually thinking about him that way and now he actually chooses to invade on my damn personal space. All the times last year when I just wanted him to show me some kindness he never did and now...'

'It should be a dream come through', Hermione said trying to cheer him up and he smiled. 'Don't mention it to Ginny at all. You two have been together for almost four months now and I've never seen you so at peace with her. You know, today when I saw Snape go over to you Ron nudged me and we looked your way. Then I almost hid my eyes because I was so prepared for him to insult you! He turned to Malfoy instead and he never insults Malfoy!'

'I know!' Harry said, cracking a smile.

'Then I watched as he came in and like, came behind you and pressed his body to yours then he held your hand! Gosh that was weird! Everyone was looking at the two of you!'

'They were?'

'Yes! Even Malfoy was glaring and then Dean mentioned that he never saw Snape go up to you and refrain from letting go an insult.'

And she was glad to see that Harry's mood was lightening up a bit because he turned to her and smiled. He was such a handsome guy, she thought. Hermione remembered when he had opened up to her last year: their fifth year, about believing he might be gay and she had to admit that it came as a shock.

'Well I was just thinking about it. Maybe it's just my mind being paranoid. Maybe he actually was just trying to be nice to me today. I can't really allow those feelings to come back!'

'Don't allow them. You went through so much pain last year in actually getting over him! You simply can't allow your mind to go about falling in love with him again! Last year you were so depressed and angry all the time I don't want to see you like that again.'

Harry rubbed her cheek and smiled. 'Sometimes I have to really count myself lucky to have a best friend like you, Hermione. You care so much for me.'

'I do, Harry. I know exactly how you feel and you know that. That reminds me of how I love Ron and I used to cry myself to sleep just because I was so heartbroken at him not loving me the way I did.'

'Well he's such a git to not see how you feel for him. I do all the time.' Harry finished of the roll and then began on the tart.

'Harry, can I ask you one question? Please be honest with me', Hermione said clearing a few crumbs from the side of his mouth.

'Sure. If it's about Snape then you know I'll surely answer you truthfully.'

'Alright, well let's just say Snape began to make advances on you, would you allow yourself to give in to those feelings again?'

For awhile Harry just stared at the fire and said nothing. He was thinking about what Hermione had asked and wondered if he would actually give in. Harry could remember last year when he had started to fall for Snape and was so confused at how he was feeling that he had taken it out on his friends. It had made his mind so weak and vulnerable that Voldemort had a fair enough chance to invade his thoughts and use him to his advantage. The results weren't exactly pleasing due to Sirius' death and he wondered if he could actually delve into those thoughts and feelings again for Snape. With every minute that had gone by last year when Harry fell deeper in love with Snape, the man had humiliated him even more by prying into his mind during Occlumency lessons and throwing insults at him about him being like his father and Sirius.

He had sat in Snape's office quite anguished and furious at the man as he stood before him with his wand pointing in Harry's direction. That feeling of hate that had rushed through his veins! He had immediately vowed to get over the sick git. He didn't want to feel the way he did and the funny thing was, it was Snape who had triggered that confusion in him about his sexuality. Never before had he seen men in such a way that he actually wanted to touch and love them. Dudley had tormented him most of his life and Uncle Vernon had did the same not to mention the boys at school who had made it their duty to further his torture. Thinking about it now, he was glad he began to love Ginny because she had made him forget about those feelings by loving him so much.

'No, Hermione', he finally said and she smiled. 'I love Ginny. I don't love Snape anymore. I hate him for all the hurt he caused me.'

'Good', she said picking up a book and opening it. 'That's settled then. Now you can help me get Ron's attention.'

'Hermione, you know no matter what I do, Ron will never give in.'

'He might if you suggest it to him!'

And just then, Ginny came through the door and into the Common Room. She was now taking off her school robes and her bag and Harry just had to admit that she looked so beautiful. He loved her so much. Or did he? Was he just fooling himself into believing he loved Ginny when it was Snape he wanted? No, Harry thought forcing himself to smile at Ginny as she came towards them, I love her. I don't love him.

'Harry!' she said coming over and smiling and Hermione got up then sat in the chair opposite Harry. 'Thanks, Hermione', she said smiling and sat down on Harry's lap.

She brought her lips to his and kissed him lightly. Harry parted his lips and allowed her tongue to enter his mouth and she ran her hands in his hair. Hermione's gaze flickered up for a second then she looked back down at her book smiling.

'Tell me you love me', Ginny whispered as she took her lips away from his for a few seconds.

'I love you, Ginny.'

And he kissed her back deeply before anyone else could come into the Common Room and intrude.

'With all the times you told me that, if I had a rose for every time, I'd probably have a field of them.'

'I would willingly buy you a rose garden, Ginny. But love isn't based on material things.'

'I love you.'

She snuggled up to him, resting her head on his shoulder and as much as he wanted to think about her alone and how much he loved her, Harry felt the place where Snape had touched him tingle.


	4. Chapter 4

(Many of you may wonder how I'm focusing on Harry so much and not Snape but I have my reason for this. In order for me to begin with Snape's feelings for Harry, I must develop and let you know Harry's past feelings for his Potions teacher. This will further help you to understand how Harry will react when Snape tries to make moves on him. Please enjoy.)

Chapter Four – The Snake Begins To Strike Back

Edited by Kate Warren

Spoiler: 'Why are you even urging me on with this?' Snape asked. 'He's my student and I am his teacher. I can't get romantically involved with...I'm not supposed to get romantically –'

'Oh you understood me wrong, I believe. You see when I said to try to love Harry, I wasn't speaking of romantically. In fact, I was suggesting of you that you try to just love him. The boy needs love, Severus and if you can give that to him, he would be more than welcome to give it back.

oOoOoOoOoOo

The next day, Harry had three free periods before lunch so he decided that he would go downstairs with Ron and revise some work. It was his sixth year after all and the work load was a bit lighter but too much all the same. They already had three assignments to complete for next week and it was already Friday. With a few weeks left for the Christmas holidays, he couldn't help but feel at home again at Hogwarts, as compared to last year when all he wanted was for the holidays to come quickly. Anything that could have kept him away from Snape made him feel a bit at ease and last year, many times he would try so hard to avoid the man and control his emotions before it got the most of him. It ended up costing him his godfather's life.

'Going Hogsmeade tomorrow?' Ron asked as they went through the castle doors to go outside.

'Yea, Ginny wants to buy a new quill and we figured that we could get a taste of the new ice cream at that new place.'

'Nice place for a date', Ron said teasingly. 'Just wish I had someone to love as much as you love my sister.'

Harry remembered how Hermione had mentioned to him the night before that she needed help on getting Ron's attention. As they sat down on a bench outside under a shade, Harry brought Hermione up.

'Why don't you consider Hermione? I mean she's brilliant and loving, you –'

'Harry, Hermione hates me', Ron said cutting him off.

'No she doesn't Ron. You're getting it all wrong', Harry said taking out his unfinished Defence Against the Dark Arts essay from his bag. 'Hermione fancies you a lot actually.'

'Really?' Ron asked looking tentatively at his best friend, his eyes wide. 'You're pulling my leg.'

'No. Seriously, give her a chance and get back to me on that.'

'But she never told me anything!'

'Ron, in case you haven't noticed, Hermione is a girl and she's not like other girls who make their moves obvious. She's not like Ginny who had to make the first move on me for me to actually realise that she loved me the way she does.'

'Alright', Ron supplied and he became lost in thought.

'Cho had you bad last year though. All those times you were tearing up at Hermione and me, avoiding us and being so depressed. Glad you got off with her. She wasn't right for you. I mean, love ain't supposed to hurt that way. The hurt it caused you last year. I just don't want to ever be in that position, you know what I mean?'

And Harry knew exactly what he meant. Thinking about it now, if he was asked if he wanted to erase those feelings form his mind that he experienced last year for Snape, he probably would say no. It was all in the learning process, he figured. It all made him stronger. Never mind it was so hard last year to believe he would ever feel right again. At times he used to find it difficult to even imagine his life back to normal but now...he was feeling pretty alright. Things were a bit more composed and steady for him.

'Yea mate. I know what you mean and trust me, Hermione is never going to make you feel that way.'

'Girls always seem to have their knickers in a twist. I mean I wish I was you sometimes. You can get any girl you want without even trying and I can't even get one bloody –'

'Language, Mr. Weasley', a smooth velvety voice said from behind the two of them and Harry's heart froze in his chest.

He saw Ron's head swing around and turned his head almost painfully in the same direction.

There stood Snape in his usual black attire with his greasy shoulder length hair hanging like a curtain around his pale, narrow face. His eyes were focused on Ron (_Thank God, Harry thought)_. A soft wind came across the grass from the Forbidden Forest's direction and Snape's hair wavered. So did the bottom of his robes that was gathered around his feet.

'What are you two doing outdoors?' Snape asked and his eyes met Harry's.

Harry diverted his own eyes away from Snape's and looked at Draco and his gang as they came outside through the doors of the castle. The last thing he needed right now was for Snape to try to pry into his mind.

'We have three free periods', Ron supplied looking sternly at Snape. Harry could honestly have sworn that if he could read Ron's mind at that moment, he had probably ended off the sentence with git.

'You know...you never cease to amaze me with your ignorance and rudeness, Mr. Weasley. Even though you are outside my classroom, outside the castle walls, you address me as 'sir'.'

'Thanks for reminding me, _Sir_', Ron said boldly and Snape's eyes narrowed at him.

'Five points from Gryffindor for your cheek'.

'Whatever', Ron muttered, now turning to face front.

'Another five for your rudeness.'

'That's not fair!' Ron yelled and Harry saw Malfoy snigger as he sat under a tree nearby.

Harry knew Ron was being rude indeed but last year if you had asked him what he would have done if Snape had taken points from his best friend for rudeness, he would have said nothing. However, this time was different because he didn't give a damn. Snape could take all the points he wanted from the two of them. All he felt now was hate for the man.

'Life isn't fair, Mr. Weasley. Ask your friend here, he knows more to it than –'

'How dare you', Harry said, his eyes flashing with hate. 'Here we were studying and you just come out and start on us. We are doing nothing wrong. You're always on our case! Why don't you go over to Malfoy and have a go at him? It's always me or Ron, or Hermione or Neville. We get that you don't like us. Or is it me that you don't like? I get that too! Just go ahead and take points because of my cheek instead of targeting my best friend! Isn't that the reason why you came over here? Oh and I forgot, _sir._'

For a moment Snape just looked at Harry and his eyes flashed with anger as well. Both Ron and Harry did see it and then to their surprise, the flicker of anger was gone. It just slipped away like a curtain. Ron was staring hard at Snape and waiting on him to give both of them for detention. Nothing of the sort happened!

Harry watched as Snape looked around the grounds to see who had witnessed the outburst, then he turned his eyes on Harry and his mouth twitched as if he wanted to say something. Harry prepared himself for it but Snape just turned around and strode back towards the castle without a word, his robe billowing behind him.

Ron looked from Harry to Snape's departing figure with his mouth open in shock.

Harry's eyes travelled around the grounds to see if anyone was indeed watching and he saw Malfoy with his mouth open as well. Crabbe and Goyle were staring at him too with anything but hate in their eyes. For the first time since they had come downstairs, Harry's eyes took in Professor McGonagall sitting at the far side of the grounds with a magazine in her lap. She was staring as well. When her eyes met Harry's however, the corners of her mouth twitched into a small smile and she looked back at her magazine, turning a page slowly as if nothing had happened.

'What happened there?' Ron asked as he looked at Harry. 'That was bloody weird!'

'Don't know', Harry muttered and turned back to face the front.

'But Snape didn't –'

'Ron, right now just drop it. I don't want to talk about him alright?'

'Alright mate', Ron said looking a bit confused then his eyes cleared as he saw Hermione coming out the castle towards them.

oOoOoOoOoO

Snape walked into the castle, his eyes burning from trying to keep the damn tears from coming forward. He went along a narrow, dimly lit corridor and when he was sure no one was around, he slipped behind a large greying stone pillar and allowed the shadows to hide him from view. Resting his forehead against the cold stone wall, he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to gather himself. Harry's outburst just now was something he had not been prepared to deal with or much less encounter.

Where did that come from? He thought as his mind replayed Harry's words. Of course he had known Harry's hate was strong for him all because of his doing but never had he expected the young man to vent his anger out loud.

I'm so stupid, Snape thought, it's my entire damn fault that Potter hates me. All these years I've been false fully venting my anger towards him just because I wanted to get over the way I feel about him and now I'm regretting it! It just didn't make sense! Snape felt a tear force its way out from behind his eyelid and he allowed it. Why did love for him have to be so hard? First it was Lily now it's her son. He crashed his fists against the stone wall and felt the pain run through from his knuckles and make its way through his arms.

I love you, dammit! I wish you were the one who could read minds and not me. Then you'd see how I feel for you and understand how hard it is for me!

He'd just have to try harder, Snape thought as he wiped his eyes. I just have to find another way to get to Harry because I need him to see how I feel.

'Sometimes it amuses me', Dumbledore's voice floated in to him from the corridor, 'that you find it so easy to hate and so hard to love.'

Snape's head jerked up and he immediately gathered himself then stepped out from behind the pillar.

'You do see how your mistakes are costing you now, don't you?' Dumbledore said looking up at something on the ceiling. 'Damn nargles', he said softly, 'always flittering about waiting to invade whatever they can.'

Snape knew better than to ask what Nargles were. 'What are you talking about?' he asked although he knew fully well what the man was referring to.

'I believed you were much more brilliant than that, Severus'.

'Why are you even urging me on with this?' Snape asked. 'He's my student and I am his teacher. I can't get romantically involved with...I'm not supposed to get romantically –'

'Oh you understood me wrong, I believe. You see when I said to try to love Harry, I wasn't speaking of romantically. In fact, I was suggesting of you that you try to just love him. The boy needs love, Severus and if you can give that to him, he would be more than welcome to give it back. The two of you are always at war with each other, due to your doings and I believe that coming to terms with your least favourite student will put your mind at peace. I hate to constantly see you bickering at him and he silently hating you.'

'Harry will never love me', Snape said in a painful voice and Dumbledore smiled.

'As always, you are quick to jump to the conclusion that the boy is not capable of anything else but being arrogant and what are your other descriptive words...conceited, narrow minded, useless –'

'I never said he was useless.'

'By and by, you two have so much in common. You just don't realise it. Might I just say that Harry hates you more than ever now due to certain past...You see, earlier last year Harry sat in my office and because of a certain situation, his mind was so easy to read and I must regrettable say that I saw more than my dignity should have allowed. There is something that happened to that boy last year that caused him great pain. I am not going to tell you what that is.' And Dumbledore began to hum. 'Oh my, your job is going to be difficult indeed.'

'Why is that?' Snape asked curiously and worried at the same time.

'You'll find out in due time. As they say these days, when you poke the snake too hard constantly, he will bite out at you most ferociously. Good day, Severus.' And with that, the Headmaster made his departure, leaving Snape as confused as ever.

Snape gently massaged his temples and strode off towards his quarters. When he was safe inside, he sank into his chair by the fireplace and allowed more than one tear to get by.


	5. Chapter 5

(You might be wondering why Dumbledore is so concerned about Snape and Harry's relationship. If you can remember, one was protecting the other without the other knowing and at times, Dumbledore believed that if he could get Snape to love Harry, just as a normal person, then it would be easier on both of them to fight Voldemort. Little did he know, he was delving into dangerous waters. You will see why I said that very soon. Enjoy.)

Chapter Five – The Man Who Has To Finally Pay

Edited by Kate Warren

Spoiler: 'You have no respect for me whatsoever.'

'I don't gave respect to people I don't get respect from!' Harry retorted. 'I said leave me alone!'

Snape flinched and stepped back.

oOoOoOoOoOo

'You what?' Hermione asked as she looked furiously at Harry.

They were now heading into the Great Hall for dinner and Harry was a bit relieved that he could pull her aside and talk to her alone. Ron was walking a little way ahead talking to Ginny. Again he had to wonder why she was carrying an armful of books and he eyed them warily before answering her.

'I give him piece of my mind, is all', Harry said softly and smiled because it had felt good.

Actually, today went pretty well for him. He began to realise that all that rage that was building up inside of him had been fighting to come out. Today all because a bit came out and he didn't receive a retort from Snape, he felt nice. Smiling, he watched Ginny purposely look back and give him a loving smile. He couldn't allow Snape to delve into his mind again. Not when he had a girl who loved him back so fully. Never would he want to break Ginny's heart.

'And he didn't punish you?' She gasped when Harry shook his head. 'This is weird, Harry. Something is up.'

'Please don't begin to sound as paranoid as I used to be last year when everything he did made me see it as a loving gesture.'

'What is he up to? Ron is a bit confused and suspicious as well, Harry. He wants to know what went on and why you didn't want to discuss Sna –'

'Shh!' Harry said quickly, placing a finger on her mouth. 'Not so loud!'

Ginny turned around and smiled at Harry. 'If you are discussing me I'll have you know that I'll hear every word of it back and when I do it will cost you dearly.'

'Oh I'm scared', Harry said winking at her. 'I can't wait for revenge.'

For a brief moment, Harry watched as Ron looked back at Hermione and she smiled bashfully at him in return. The former then smiled shyly back and couldn't control himself as he looked back once more at her, causing Hermione's cheeks to turn crimson.

'Did you see that?' she asked and took his hand then squeezed it. 'Aw Harry you told him something.'

'Just for you', he said smiling and squeezed her hand back. 'With all the things you do for me I owe you so much.'

Malfoy came around a bend and when he saw Harry instead of yelling out an insult, he turned around to whisper to Crabbe and Goyle. They gave Harry a furtive glance and stalked off. Oh yea, the day was going so good.

'Anyway I think S is finally realising how hateful he has been to you and is trying to cool it down a bit.'

'Well sorry for him because as he's now cooling it, I'm just getting heated.'

'Don't be like that, Harry. Just play cool too.'

'Hermione, in case you don't remember, he made me a mess last year and –'

'I know', Hermione said softly, 'try to keep your hate for him under the surface. Don't let it out that much. You might make him cry.' And she laughed at the thought.

'Oh don't make me laugh. That man isn't capable of crying. He's as cold as a snake kept underground for years.'

'Not to mention he's old. Sometimes I wonder why you didn't fall for someone around your age. He's much more experienced in life than you are. Anyway, you have Ginny now and she's not going to disappoint you. She's so sweet.'

'I heard that bit', Ginny said turning around and smiling at Hermione. 'And I sincerely refuse to critique.'

And their conversation ended as they entered the hall.

Harry had to admit that Snape would be furious at him for what he did earlier and would resort to throwing him hateful glances during dinner. To his surprise, the man avoided his eyes most of the time and when he managed to allow his eyes to look in Harry's direction, the latter just turned his head. The last thing Harry needed was to open that drawer of feelings again because if he did, the result would be too deep and...He shuddered to actually imagine how it would make him feel and immediately turned his attention to Ginny.

'I've noticed that you're a bit off these couple of days', she said squeezing his hand. 'Is it me?'

'Of course not, Ginny, I've just had a lot on my mind.'

'Like last year?' she asked quietly and Harry nodded.

'Just like last year.'

oOoOoOoOoOo

Harry dreamt about Snape that night and he wasn't a bit surprised that it happened. He dreamt that he was walking along a narrow, dimly lit corridor at night and believed at first that it was the Ministry of Magic he was dreaming about. To his surprise, he found himself facing the now revealing door to the Room or Requirement and without his control; he opened it and stepped inside. The usual sights greeted his eyes and he found his feet carrying him further into the room until he heard a dull footstep and spun around quickly.

'Harry', Snape said stepping out of the shadows and walking towards him slowly.

The man looked deeply mesmerising to Harry that he found it hard to take a normal breath of air. His lungs contracted and his heartbeat quickened as Snape came towards him, his face expressionless and paler than ever. Suddenly, Snape's lips were on Harry's and he was being held back firmly with both of the man's hands that he couldn't fight back. A rush of emotions and feelings washed over him as Snape's tongue entered his mouth and flicked against the inside of his lips. He couldn't kiss him back. He just couldn't!

Harry felt the rage building up in him and Snape stopped kissing him suddenly as if Harry's lips had burnt his. When he stepped back to look at Harry, he pushed him hard away from him and watched as Snape stumbled back. Even before he could lose his balance and fall to the floor, Harry ran. He ran and as he ran he could hear Snape calling after him.

'Harry!' he heard the breathless calls following him. 'Harry come back!'

But he didn't turn around.

He woke up then, shaking with fright and was relieved to see that he had not awaken any other of his dorm mates. Harry realised that it was still dark. The air around him was pressing in on his face and he couldn't breathe fully. He couldn't take deep breaths at all. Getting up, Harry grabbed his invisibility cloak and decided that he needed a bit of fresh air. It couldn't go on like this, he thought as he went through the door leading out of the Common Room. At this rate, with the dreams coming back to him, he'd be the same sad loon that he had been last year.

Harry went along his usual wanderings about the castle like he always did and he found himself on a corridor running along the outside of the castle wall. Walking a little way out, he stopped and threw off his cloak then took in some deep breaths of fresh air. The place was a bit chilly and there was a soft wind blowing every now and then, stirring the leaves of the trees. It was all comforting to him to hear these night sounds. They calmed him. And after a dream like that he needed something to calm him down.

What was it with the man that he had liked so much? Harry thought silently to himself as he stared out unto the grounds. Hermione was right. Snape was not the sort of person to easily fall in love with.

The man was so cold not to mention his superficial ways. Snape would have just had a pleasurable moment insulting Harry and then Dumbledore would come along and he would become oh so nice. Then there was his calmness and kindness when it came to the Slytherins and his complete harshness towards any other student. Why was he so mean all the time? Maybe all that death eater craziness just messed his mind and personality up.

Harry couldn't even imagine Snape being anything other than harsh. But why then did he, Harry, allow such a person to get to his heart and crush it to pieces? He placed a foot up unto a rail and propped his head up in one hand. Harry remembered when he had fallen in love with Snape. It had been at Grimmauld's Place last year. After the Order had had their usual meetings, Harry happened to be in the hallway with the Weasley twins when the members came out. Of course Snape was the first to exit and as he came down the hallway, Fred and George disapparated and left him standing there all alone.

Snape had stopped and looked at him. He tried to remember if the usual coldness was there in his eyes but just couldn't remember. All he could remember was the man rolling his eyes and asking him to move aside so he could leave. He did and as Snape walked past their hands brushed each other's. For a moment Snape had stopped and looked back briefly at Harry and it was then that something happened to him. Dammit! What the hell had happened then? He had found himself looking at the man's lips and then he felt his throat go dry and he swallowed.

'Sorry, Sir'.

'Mr. Potter. Go to bed. It's late and when you lack sleep it begins to tell on your attitude. You might become even more arrogant and that...will not be pretty.'

'I can't sleep.'

'Then I suggest you take a pill.'

'I don't want to take a pill.'

'Then lie in your bed and reminisce on your popularity. By the time you unravel all the times you managed to gain appraisal, you will be deep in sleep.' And Snape had nodded then turned around.

Before Harry could have answered, he was gone.

Harry actually smiled as he remembered how he had felt that night, all mushy and stupid. Boys didn't feel so for other men. Boys didn't get all mushy. Come on, he thought trying to compose himself, I'm stronger than that. I'm –

'Wandering Mr. Potter?'

And for the second time that day, Snape was gracing his presence, making the most surprising entrance. This time however, he looked a bit uneasy. Harry couldn't help but feel his usual deep loathing for the man creep up and then the dream lingered softly behind his eyelids. I'll push you over the railing if you make a move on me, Harry painfully thought and as he did, he immediately took it back. He couldn't do that. As much as Snape needed to be taught a lesson, Harry didn't want to be the one to harm him. He just wanted revenge. He decided to remain silent and not utter a word to the man. Let's see if you can control yourself now Snape, he thought as he watched the man.

'Why do you find it so pleasing to break the school rules?' Snape asked and Harry said nothing.

'Potter I'm talking to you'. And yet, Harry said nothing.

'Cat has your tongue? Earlier you found it easy to throw a lengthy retort at me and now you refuse to even utter a word? Amazing.'

'Leave me alone, Snape', Harry said through gritted teeth as he glared back.

'You have no respect for me whatsoever.'

'I don't gave respect to people I don't get respect from!' Harry retorted. 'I said leave me alone!'

Snape flinched and stepped back. A flicker of shock crossed his face and he found his back to the railing opposite to the one Harry had just been leaning against.

Harry watched him step back and felt a bit confused by his move. The man looked almost...shocked! There was this rushing of blood through his veins and into his head that he was blinded by fury and deep hate. He couldn't see how deeply he had affected Snape nor did he realise that Snape had become so vulnerable after his retort that his hands gripped the railings tightly.

Snape tried to steady himself as he stared at Harry.

'What is causing these sudden outbursts to me?' Snape asked in a cracked voice. 'You never did this to me before.'

'Because I was stupid to allow you to take advantage of me all these years', Harry said trying to cool down like Hermione had said. He took a deep breath and diverted his eyes from Snape. 'I'm not weak. I'm not some stupid boy now who you can insult and use as your punching bag. I –'

'I did not insult you! When last did I insult you?'

'I know what you're up to', Harry said softly but his voice was laced with anger. 'You believe that you can all of a sudden start being nice to me and I'll forget all the hurt you caused me in the past? You made MY life a living hell here. I'll always hate you for that.'

'So I am not allowed to make up for my faults?' Snape asked looking hurt and Harry. 'I am not to be given a second chance?'

'NO!' Harry threw at him. 'What damage you did was already done and it cannot be taken back. Forgiveness isn't a stupid potion you can make and give people to drink so their heart can be mended.' And Harry realised that he had said a little too much.

Oh shit, he thought as he saw the look on Snape's face change from hurt to confusion.

What the hell was Harry talking about? Snape thought. He took a step forward towards Harry and saw the look on his face change from anger to regret. Snape saw clearly into the young man's eyes that he had said something just now that he shouldn't have said. What was going on?

'I –' But before he could ask, Harry spun around and began to walk off quickly. 'Mr. Potter, stop.' He said walking after Harry but of course the latter did no such thing.

Oh my gosh! Harry thought as he tried to walk away faster and faster, what did I just do? He knew Snape had heard him correctly and figured it out. This time he wasn't being paranoid. Harry just knew the man had figured it out and he was scared. He was scared and he wished he didn't say what he did. I'm so stupid! He thought as his feet pounded forth towards the Common Room. He gasped when he felt Snape's hand on his shoulders.

'Potter, stop I just want to –'

'Don't touch me, Snape', Harry warned menacingly and he pulled his shoulder away from Snape's grip. 'Don't you dare touch me. In case you haven't noticed, I don't like anything that has some attachment to Voldemort to touch me.'

And he turned around then ran. He ran and as he did the tears came rushing out making him fool like a stupid fool to allow himself to become so weak. Just because of one stupid man, he was now a total wreck. I don't deserve to feel this way and suffer like this! He screamed in his head. I want him to just disappear and leave me alone! I've been through enough with him and I don't want to go back there. He hurt me terribly.

'Harry', he whispered as he was back in the Common Room, 'Harry you're not weak. You're strong and...and all of this is not what you supposed to be feeling. You have a girl who loves you and deserves much more love from you. Snape can never give you that so don't waste your time on him. You already got over him and you can't allow him to get to you again. Go on with your life and ignore him.' And he sank into the chair by the fireplace panting.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Snape stood watching Harry leave and he felt so anguished that his knees almost give way on him. Had it not been for the rails behind him, he would have collapsed. What Harry had just told him had such a massive impact on him that he felt weak and vulnerable. Harry had hit him hard with that last line. He had definitely stabbed him so deep that Snape felt tears running down his face as he stood there trying to think it all through. It all happened so fast. So much was said by the boy that he didn't actually register all of it as yet. His hands were so cold and his head so light that he felt like a child again. He felt like that weak helpless child that he had been when his father used to shout and abuse him.

_'I don't like anything that has some attachment to Voldemort to touch me.'_

Snape held up his hands and pressed his palms to his face. The wind that came along the corridor chilled him so badly that he began to walk quickly in the opposite direction.

_'Oh my, your job is going to be difficult indeed.' _Snape heard Dumbledore's voice in his mind and wondered what was going on.

He looked up as he walked, his face wet with tears and yelled, 'I'm not that brilliant at love you know!' And he strode on, feeling as if his heart was about to stop in his chest for good.

Filch watched him go and sniggered because he had a bit of juicy news to share to someone now. Neither Harry nor Snape knew that by the next morning, a few students would know about their little encounter with each other.


	6. Chapter 6

(Hey based on my last chapter, some of you may be worried and confused as to Snape and Harry's behaviour towards each other. Let me remind you of a few things quickly. If you can remember my plotline, Harry has had his heart deeply broken by Snape a year ago right? He had loved this man and never was given back the same love. I know how it feels because I went through that sadly. On the other hand, Snape has loved Harry for years now, since year three and it's what...three years now? Think about it. Think how he wanted to fool himself in hating Harry to get over him because he knew it was his student. Just think about it. I don't want to be rude by putting this bit up before the story but I have to because people send some reviews that crawl my skin at times )

Chapter Six – Situational Misfits

Edited by Tricia Simpson

Spoiler: _I want you, Harry,_ Snape said in his mind as he looked at Harry. _I want you bad._

Harry looked back at Snape and all he could think was: _Snape I know you can read my mind so fuck off and leave me alone._

oOoOoOoOoOo

The very next day was their visit to Hogsmeade, and Harry didn't want to go. In the morning just before they left the castle, Harry hurriedly cornered Hermione to tell her what had happened the previous night between him and Snape.

'What is it, Harry?' she asked with worry in her voice and when he turned to face her, she saw the sadness in his eyes and became even more worried. 'Harry, what did Snape do?'

'Hermione, last night I had a dream about him. I had a dream that...' And when he had finished relating the dream, she hugged him softly.

'Oh gosh, Harry. I thought that those dreams had stopped last year. It was his actions yesterday that brought them back didn't it? It had to be.'

'And that's not the end of it. That's just the beginning. I got up to go get some fresh air and he came along.'

'Oh my goodness!' Hermione exclaimed when he had finished telling her what he said and what happened. She looked a bit furious at his outburst last night but kept it in. 'Harry you said too much! You shouldn't have said anything like you wanted to because now Snape will begin to think about what you meant when you said that bit about the potion. And he reached out and grabbed your arm? He came after you? He mentioned that he wanted to mend his ways?'

She paused to gather her thoughts and then turned back to him. 'I'm not saying this to pick up for him or anything, Harry, but Snape is beginning to try to be nice to you and maybe you should take it.'

'Hermione!'

'Harry! I didn't say you should love him back or anything! Just take the change in his behaviour welcomingly.'

'That's hard for me at the moment', Harry said furiously and stopped the conversation as Ron and Ginny came towards them.

'Well if it's hard then the only thing you can do is stay away from him and go back to avoiding him', Hermione whispered after they had began their trek along the road to Hogsmeade. 'If you can't remember that just made you more edgy but it did help you with getting over him.'

'Getting over who?' Ginny asked softly and Harry turned his head sharply in her direction.

'Ah, nothing really.' And he hooked his arm around hers then kissed her on her neck.

'Potter!' rang Malfoy's voice from behind. 'Snogging the Weasley girl out of school? Snape wouldn't like that now would he?' And there was the sound of laughter behind him.

Harry felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. He stopped and turned to face Malfoy with a very confused expression on his face.

'What did you say?' he asked as his heart began to dance about in his chest.

'You heard what I said. Got yourself a thing on the side haven't you? Got yourself a teacher to get in your pants. Tell me Ginny, does he just kiss you? Is it too light and hesitant? Doesn't it feel a bit weird because last time I checked, Harry Potter is known to be gay!'

And before he could even rush forward to tackle Malfoy, Ron did that, knocking him over and sending him flying in against the wall. Hermione rushed forward and tried to hold Ron back but he began to kick out at Malfoy on the ground. By now everyone had stopped to look and, Harry realised, everyone had heard the entire outburst from Malfoy. Katie Bell was now looking at Harry with confusion in her eyes and the others were whispering frantically behind their hands.

'Ron!' Hermione shouted and Harry's head snapped back to the scuffle on the ground.

He rushed forward to help take Ron off of Malfoy because his best friend was now on the floor fighting with him.

'Leave him alone!' Ron shouted in Malfoy's face. 'Leave Harry alone before I tell everyone here what you did to Crabbe and Goyle the other day in the Forbidden Forest!'

Crabbe and Goyle's mouth opened in shock at the mention of their names and Malfoy began to whimper. He lashed out at Ron and managed to pull himself up looking about frantically.

'You sick fuck!' Ron yelled and a few people gasped. 'Touching each other in the –'

'That's enough!' Snape shouted out and Harry turned to see him and Professor McGonagall standing in the midst of them all. 'Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Weasley, twenty points from both of your houses. As for you Mr. Weasley, what disgusting language is that to be used in public?'

'I never meant to use any of it! He forced me to! He was just told the entire world that Harry is gay! I –'

'Mr. Weasley, I am impressed at your defence for your best friend and your ability to punch but that gives you no right to use your forces on a student whatever he says to you!' McGonagall said seriously and she flicked a glance at Harry.

So did Snape. His eyes flickered momentarily at Harry and then almost as if he had felt a wave of pain wash over him, he looked away. That was Harry's secret? He thought silently as he stood there. Dumbledore was indeed right when he said that both he and Harry had a lot in common.

'Come along now both of you!' Professor McGonagall said and Ron as well as Malfoy followed her as she went.

Snape on the other hand strode off in the opposite direction towards Hogsmeade. It looked as if he would be their guide today as they paid a visit there. It didn't even create any stir within Harry as Snape passed him because his mind was now focused on what had happened just now. All he could think about was Ron's defensive behaviour for him and how Malfoy had indeed told the world that he was gay. He was surprised that Ginnny had not let go of his arm and the students that surrounded him didn't say anything as well. How did Malfoy know about him and Snape? Did he see them last night? Harry felt a cold wave of fear creep over him as Hermione tugged on his arm and they went forward. The talking would begin very soon, he thought as he heard whispers around him. The 'Chosen One' being accused of being gay was something to indeed gossip about and much less if that 'Chosen One' was accused of being with a teacher.

Ginny welcomingly told Hermione that she just had to come along with she and Harry as they went along to buy whatever they had to. Hermione was now holding unto Harry's arm very tightly as if she was afraid that someone would kill him.

'Oh dear', she kept muttering under her breathe and Harry had to whisper to her to remain calm.

'So will either of you tell me what happened just now, what Malfoy said I mean, or will I have to just believe his words as they were said?' Ginny asked as they were now seated in the Three Broomsticks together.

Harry had made sure that he chose a table to the back of the place because he wanted to be away from his colleagues. The last thing he needed right now was for someone else to walk up to him and question him about his sexuality or Snape.

'Harry, tell her', Hermione said suddenly and Harry threw her a look. 'Tell her. She wouldn't freak out. Ginny will understand, trust me.'

'Ginny', Harry said after a long pause that he took to gather his thoughts, 'last year, you remember how there was this period of time when I was depressed and constantly snapping at you all?'

'Yes, Harry. I can never forget that. What did happen to you?'

'Well something weird happened to me.'

'He fell in love with...Snape', Hermione whispered and her eyes were fiery with anger.

'He-you what?' Ginny asked with her eyes wide and she gasped. 'But you never told me you were –'

'I'm not!' Harry said hotly and then calmed himself down before he continued, 'I'm not gay, Ginny. It was just a phase. I was confused and I didn't know what was happening to me. It all happened so fast that before I knew it, I had somehow fallen for him and I couldn't get up back again.'

'Harry', Ginny said turning to him, 'why didn't you tell me? You at least could have told me about this...your sexuality I mean. I would have understood!'

'Did anything happen between you two?' she asked after awhile and Harry shook his head.

'Nothing, thank God. I'm over him now though, Ginny.'

'That's why he was so depressed, Ginny. He didn't know what was happening to him and then during that time, Snape was just becoming ever so mean to him that it began to mess him up. Before he knew it and could figure it out, his heart was broken.'

'Aw, Harry!' Ginny cried and pulled him towards her then kissed his lips. 'I'm not saying that I'm not grossed out by it but I, well, I know how it feels to love someone so bad and get your heart broken when they don't love you back.' She gazed bashfully at Harry. 'You broke my heart but you fixed it back together. This whole thing with falling for Snape though...are you mad because I can't see anyone falling for that git!'

'Tell me about it', Harry muttered and looked at Hermione. 'I still don't know why I fell for him. It's like I was attracted to him in some weird way that I couldn't see.'

'You were attracted to his bad boy ways, Harry', Ginny supplied and Harry as well as Hermione turned to her with their eyes wide. 'I'm serious. Look, I don't think he's all that bad looking but his attitude is messed up. You should know. Last year, you both know Romilda Vane? Well she began to fall for him too. She's sort of into these bad boys who like it mean and rough. Anyway, when I asked her what the devil she had fallen for him for, she said his looks and the way he handles himself so...what was the word...elegantly and gracefully.'

'Probably it was that', Harry said teasingly and Ginny showed her tongue at him.

'Well personally I think if you prefer men to Harry, it might be better for me. We can have a –'

'Ginny!' Hermione cried and threw her a furtive glance. 'Wash your mouth out!'

'I was just joking! Geese!' and she giggled. 'I think Snape is hot. Sorry to admit it. But –'

'Listen, before we leave I have to tell you what happened recently'. And he told her what did happen over the past two days.

Ginny just stared at him wide eyed and threatened to hex Snape if he ever tried to lay a hand on her boyfriend.

'Why IS he doing that? Why now? I think he is finally falling for you and wants you oh so bad. If he tries to jump you just grab hold of him right there', and she placed her hand on Harry, 'and pull. But then, you might turn him on even further. Maybe you should kick him there. No wait, he might like rough games. How big exactly is a grown man's –'

'Ooh give me a break!' Hermione retorted and pursed her lips. 'You are just too much! He –' And her eyes glazed over Ginny's to look at the front of the room. 'Blimey, it's him!' and she gasped.

Harry didn't turn around because Snape was the last person he wanted to see at the moment. Instead, he threw his arm around Ginny and hugged her. Both of them couldn't help but giggle uncontrollably at what Ginny had said.

'Don't look, Harry', Hermione whispered through gritted teeth. 'He's coming our way.'

'Oh for God's sake!' Ginny exclaimed looking around, 'can't he just leave? What is he doing in here?'

'Trying to find a hole to crawl into, more like', Harry muttered and watched as Snape came to sit at a table very near them.

He was joined by Professor Slughorn and another lady who Harry could have sworn he knew from somewhere. Snape glanced over in Harry's direction and when he saw him sitting there, his eyes widened a bit then narrowed.

'Harry, me boy!' Slughorn cried out as he spotted Harry. 'Here with the ladies I see! Having a fabulous time aren't you?' and he winked.

'Professor!' Harry said standing up to shake his hand.

'Is this the girlfriend, I presume?' Slughorn asked throwing a suggesting glance at Ginny.

'I am', Ginny said loud enough for Snape to hear and when she was sure he did hear, she snuggled up to Harry.

'Ah, young love. Look at this Severus!' Slughorn said looking over at Snape, 'maybe Potter can give you a few tips on how to get a lady!'

Harry watched as Snape flinched. Little did he know, Snape wasn't flinching because Slughorn had suggested that Harry teach him but he was getting quite furious at actually knowing that Harry had a girlfriend. Was he surprised? He wanted to get up and leave but it would look too bad. After what Malfoy had said about him and Harry...He acted as if it didn't bother him and smiled wryly. Was he supposed to get up and demand that Ginny sit far away from Harry? He just couldn't. Slughorn wasn't saying anything. How would it look? Instead, Snape sat there feeling the jealousy rush over him as he looked at Harry and Harry looked back at him.

_I want you, Harry,_ Snape said in his mind as he looked at Harry. _I want you bad._

Harry looked back at Snape and all he could think was: _Snape I know you can read my mind so fuck off and leave me alone._


	7. Chapter 7

(Did you like my last chapter? It's becoming a bit harsh isn't it? On Harry's side I mean...do you notice how he's lashing out with hate at Snape? All this anger that he has built up in him for the man is now coming out so hotly that he can't control himself. It's like he's trying his best to hurt Snape. You might pity Snape but think if you were in Harry's position what you would have done and how you would have felt...Thought about it? Now read on and enjoy.)

Chapter Seven – Anger and Vulnerability

Edited by Tricia Simpson

Spoiler: 'You should talk', Hermione said glaring at Ginny. 'You should talk because you do realise that if Snape gets to Harry then you'll lose him.'

'I'm not the one suggesting that he should try to be nice! I'm not the one standing there actually suggesting that Harry should try to be nice to him! How dare you throw that in my face!'

oOoOoOoOoOo

Snape indeed did read Harry's mind. He got up suddenly and glared at Harry then strode away and out the door, leaving everyone but Harry shocked.

'What the devil happened?' Slughorn asked, 'did I say something?'

Hermione had seen Harry look at Snape and somehow she knew a little more than Slughorn and the rest of them as to what had happened.

'Just remembered', she said suddenly getting up, 'we have to go buy those things before it's too late. Come on Ginny and Harry.' She threw him a menacing stare then he quickly got up.

'Alright! See you all later then!' Slughorn boomed as they walked away. 'Where's Wallenby?' But he didn't receive an answer.

'Harry what did you do?' Hermione demanded, turning to face him as they were safely outside and Snape was nowhere to be seen. 'Oh don't look at me like that! I know what you did but I want to know what you said to him!'

'What?' Ginny asked confused as she looked at Hermione. 'Harry didn't say –'

'Yes he did!' Hermione said cutting her off. 'Ginny, _he_ can read minds and it's obvious that Harry said something deliberately in his mind to make him angry enough to leave!'

'Why are you picking up for him?' Ginny asked angrily, 'So what if Harry did that? He deserved it!'

'He has to learn how to control himself! Snape is a teacher, for God's sake!'

'So what? Isn't his torment on Harry enough for Harry to lash back?'

'Ginny I'm not saying Harry shouldn't feel angry but Snape is a teacher. He can get really mean and you know what he is. You know what he does. You don't want him lashing back at you Harry!'

'I have no choice do I?' Harry asked her with anger in his voice. 'He –'

'Listen to you!' Hermione retorted, 'since when do you take your anger out on people!'

'I'll have a go at anyone who has made my life a living hell so far!'

'_He's_ is trying!'

'Why are you picking up for him?'

'Because he is trying and you're not!' and Ginny watched as the two of them stood there glaring at each other.

'Hermione, this conversation is over', Harry said after awhile and he took Ginny's arm and strode off.

'How dare you leave me standing there, Harry Potter?' Hermione shouted coming after him. 'How dare you walk away from me when I'm talking to you? Look at me!'

'What?' Harry shouted, looking back at her.

'It's all happening again! There you go taking out all your anger on me! Stop it Harry!' and she suddenly grabbed her face with her hands, beginning to sob.

'Hermione', Harry said and Ginny allowed him to go forward and hug her. 'Hermione, I'm sorry!'

'Harry you're mean', she said as she sobbed and wiped her face. 'I'm just trying to be reasonable and help you and you're not listening to me.'

'He just isn't seeing it the way we are', Ginny said and came over to pat Hermione on her shoulder. 'He's so taken up with hate that he finds it hard to take your advice. Hermione, it happens.'

'You should talk', Hermione said glaring at Ginny. 'You should talk because you do realise that if Snape gets to Harry then you'll lose him.'

'I'm not the one suggesting that he should try to be nice! I'm not the one standing there actually suggesting that Harry should try to be nice to him! How dare you throw that in my face!'

'So what were you saying earlier in there?' Hermione asked beckoning to the Three Broomsticks. 'Weren't you saying that if Harry loved _him_ he –'

'I was joking! Bloody hell I was joking! Dammit!'

'It's not funny!'

'Stop arguing!' Harry shouted and they both stopped to look at him. 'Just stop this. Stop it now. Hermione, listen to me, people are staring at us and I don't want them to actually know more about my private life. I don't want to argue with you right now over this because it doesn't make sense. And alright, I will follow your advice and be nice to him like you said but don't expect me to do it in a good way.'

'Thank you, Harry', Hermione said. 'I'm sorry for yelling at you, Ginny.'

'Ah well that's alright because this thing is all getting into our heads. Does Ron even know about it all?'

'No', both Hermione and Harry said and Ginny jumped.

'What? Then why did he kick the stars out of Malfoy?'

And Harry seriously wondered why he did do it.

'Trust me, don't tell him anything.'

'I wouldn't', Harry said and linked his arms through both of theirs. 'Let's go get some ice cream. Enough about Snape.'

oOoOoOoOoOo

He was furious. He was furious and he couldn't control himself. Dammit! Snape strode out of the Three Broomsticks and down the street with burning rage building up within him. Harry knew, he thought as he went along. Harry knew he had a thing for him and was trying to humiliate, hurt and torture him. The damn boy was such an ignorant piece of work that he didn't understand why he was falling so deeply in love with him. He tried to remind himself how it happened exactly, how Harry happened to get so deep to him but couldn't find an answer. All he knew was that he wanted Harry. He wanted him so bad.

Snape ended up walking towards the new ice cream place that had opened and decided that a bit of ice cream might freeze his hate up a bit. Why not? He thought as he pushed the door and went inside.

oOoOoOoOoOo

As they entered the ice cream parlour, Harry realised that it might have been a bad choice after all to go there in the first place. The shop was packed with almost all his colleagues and their eyes turned his way as he came through the door. However, no one said anything to him or even tried to mock or tease him.

'Two ladies', Dean said smiling his way. 'We all know what they are saying about you is a lie. You are the ladies' man, Harry.'

'Just look at him. A chick on each arm. What's your secret Harry?' Seamus said smiling as well.

The two of them seemed to have settled the rumours because everyone turned back to what they were doing right after.

Hermione immediately unhinged her arm from Harry's and frowned. The last thing she needed was for someone to start writing about her and Harry's secret relationship again. She didn't want a repetition of fourth year.

'You two are life savers', Harry muttered to them as they went in.

They all ordered an ice cream: Harry taking chocolate, Ginny subjecting to vanilla and Hermione obliging to strawberry and when they had gotten their toppings, they looked around for a table to sit at. It was Ginny who saw Snape first and the look that she got was enough to crawl anyone's skin.

'Ah maybe we should eat this outside', she suggested and Harry followed her eyes.

'Oh dear', Hermione whispered and tugged on Harry's arm, 'let's go.'

But before he could turn around to leave, his eyes met with Snape's and what happened next would change the way he'd begin to see Snape forever.

_What is he doing here? You are the last person I want to see right now, Harry. Just leave me alone._

Harry could feel Hermione tugging on his arm but he couldn't move. Was he reading Snape's mind?

_Stop looking at me, you imbecile. Just take your girlfriend and your sharp mouthed best friend and be gone. _

Then it all happened at once.

Just as Harry thought in his mind '_what's wrong with you? Do you know I'm reading your mind?'_ Snape thought at that very moment to himself as he watched Harry, '_Harry I love you. Stop hurting me like this, please!'_

Both of them finally realised what had happened and it was Harry who was the first to let out a gasp.


	8. Chapter 8

(Um, before you read this chapter, I had a few reviews and messages and would like to try and answer some of them for you. One was about Snape being a little too brazen in trying to make advances on Harry. You see, there isn't a crime in creating your own behaviour of the character. The reason why I wrote this story was to relate my idea. I guess my characters are always OOC because I like to take risks and place them outside the realm of the usual persons you have read about and know. Another is that Harry is a teen and when we were teens I'm sure you remember the emotional hormonal bouts we had to go through. One time we may have liked something and then grown to hate it, only to find out later that we still love it. This is the same for Harry. He thinks he had gotten over Snape but he hasn't.)

Chapter Eight – Falling Prey Again

Edited by Tricia Simpson

Spoiler: 'What would you know about my life and how I feel?' Snape asked loudly. 'Has it ever crossed your mind that I am a person who is capable of feeling? No! All you see is what you want to see!'

'I know enough about your life to make a fair estimate of it! All death eaters are cold and sick to me!'

'So says the boy who just admitted that he fell for one', Snape said looking at Harry.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Harry's feet were rooted to the ground and he couldn't move. He couldn't move not even when Ginny started to tug at his arm just like Hermione had done. All of a sudden he felt as if he couldn't breathe and he felt his chest closing in on his lungs, squeezing in on his heart as well. The latter was thumping dully and his head felt heavy. Snape was as shocked as he was to know that Harry could actually read his mind and then he got up. Before he could even make another move, Harry had found feeling in his feet again and he turned around and began to walk out the place.

Everyone was staring at him as he left and Dean's eyes travelled from Harry to Snape then back to Seamus. The place had suddenly gotten very quiet when everyone had noticed Harry and Snape staring at each other and most people believed that because of the rumour going around, the two of them just had been angered at how false it was. Little did they know what was indeed happening.

'Harry what happened?' Hermione asked as they went along the road. She had to jog to keep up with Harry's stride.

'Nothing'.

'Oh blimey! Something did happen! Don't lie to me!'

And he stopped, turned to them and lied. He lied because he didn't want them to know the truth. It would make them want to start off again and it would drive Ginny crazy to know what Snape's feelings were for him.

'I got out because of all this anger that was building up, you know? I just had to get away from him', he said in a convincing tone. 'I hate that man so much!'

'Thank God he didn't get up and come after you!' Ginny exclaimed as they went along the walkway back to the castle.

'Yea, for a moment I thought you would have said something to him', Hermione said frantically and she changed the conversation to Ron.

Harry was thankful for that switch because he was confused. Had he dreamt or imagined what Snape had said or thought? It couldn't be but how could he have read the man's mind so easily? He didn't know the answer and found himself to be pretty scared now as to what would happen between the two of them. Everything made sense now. It explained why Snape had refused all of a sudden to not punish him or give him any detentions or insults when they had their encounters during the course of the week. Why hadn't he ever picked up Snape's feelings for him? Had the man loved him longer than he imagined and if so, had Snape loved him last year when he had love him back?

But I can't allow myself to delve into those feelings again, Harry reassured himself for the umpteenth time that day. I can't allow those feelings to come back or else...Or else what? This time it was all on Snape, just like it had been all on him the year before. And he thinks I am going to love him back? He thinks I am going to give in after how hurt I was last year? Damn him!

Hermione and Ginny were prattling away as they went and neither of them seemed to have noticed that he was silent most of the way back to the castle. It was when they had gotten up the stairway and into the Common Room that Ginny suddenly remembered she had forgotten to buy the quills.

oOoOoOoOoOo

The next day was double Potions and sadly, Harry wasn't up to going to class. He almost went back to the Common Room after lunch but Hermione noticed and shot him a serious look.

'Don't you dare', she said through gritted teeth, 'show Snape that you weren't intimidated by what happened yesterday.'

All the way down, Ron kept asking Harry about how he fought Malfoy yesterday.

'Did I look good? Got a good punching hand don't I?' he kept asking and Harry just nodded and smiled.

'Did it all for you mate. I mean, he shouldn't have said those things in front of everyone about you. The Daily Prophet does it enough already.'

'Yea, I guess so.'

'No fair that Snape's gay and everyone's taking it out on you. Anyone's got to be lunatic to actually like that bat!'

They lined up as usual outside the dungeons and Harry saw that Malfoy was sulking in a corner. He was avoiding Harry's eyes and as much as Crabbe and Goyle were whispering to him about Harry being around, Malfoy didn't turn in his direction. Harry was glad. Malfoy was probably ashamed of what Ron had done to him yesterday that he couldn't find the courage to pick a line with anyone. Then the door flew open and everyone grew silent.

Harry didn't look at Snape. He just couldn't. He knew he was standing there probably staring back at him but he began to false fully fix the strap on his bag.

Snape, however, was looking and as Harry brushed past him, he couldn't help but feel a quick jab at his heart when the boy's eyes refused to meet his. This was how it was going to be from now, he thought as he stepped in the room and closed the door. All because of his stupid loss of control over his mind when his feelings and emotions got the most of him. He watched as Harry observed the room after he noticed that the tables were cleared away and there were desks and chairs in their places and then he chose a seat at the back.

Hermione and Ron believed that Harry would have sat up front but when Hermione looked back and saw him at the back, it was too late to go there and get a seat. With no other chair vacant, Malfoy ended up sitting next to Harry. This was a start, Harry thought as he watched Malfoy take his place beside him and was continuing to sulk. The two of them had never sat next to one another.

'Good afternoon, now today...we will be doing a bit of theory. I figured that many of you take the art of potion making for granted. You merely believe that potion making...it is simply measuring out ingredients and tossing them into your cauldron. That is entirely not so', Snape said walking up front and then continuing down the aisle. 'Each ingredient plays a part in concocting a potion and every measurement, stir and bubble create a distinct quality to the mixture.'

'In our last class we concocted a Draught of the Living Dead. Only one student managed to fully gather the concept and brew an excellent potion. You see, each stir is vital, each ingredient is key and each instruction given must be followed.' By now he was at Malfoy's side at the back. 'Can anyone tell me why we must never use Gillyweed and Lilac leaves together in a potion?'

Even Hermione's hand didn't shoot up as usual and everyone was surprised. Harry found it rather strange that she didn't know the answer. Snape's eyes did linger to front of the class as if expecting her hand to rise and then he turned away.

'No one?'

Not a soul answered him.

'How about you, Mr. Potter?' and the classroom grew as quiet as a grave. Not that it was usually noisy when Snape was there but people were waiting to see this little insult game about to unfold before their eyes. Even Malfoy's eyes were now on him.

'He's going to get it now', Dean whispered to Seamus. 'Last time he was lucky but not this time.'

'Mr. Potter?' Snape said softly and Harry turned to him.

'I don't know the answer, Sir', he said in a clipped tone and Dean smiled.

'Wait for it...' he whispered to anyone who was listening.

'Give it a try', Snape urged with his eyes still on Harry's.

'I'm afraid I'll make a fool of myself, Sir. I refuse to try.'

'Sometimes we might be amazed at how our minds work if we just use them to our advantage. You did manage to get an A in your potion test last time. I see no harm in you to take a risk. Risks allow us to explore things.'

Harry looked bland at him and said, 'well I hate risks, Sir.'

For awhile, Snape looked a bit sympathetic at Harry. By now everyone had turned around in their seats to pay attention. No Snape and Harry moments lasted this long without an insult being thrown. It was bound to come soon.

'Come now, give it a go.'

'I said I don't know the –' Harry began heatedly but was cut off by Snape.

'Give it a go.'

Harry took awhile to think and then said lightly, 'well Gillyweed probably has some negative effect on the Lilac leaves.'

'Correct. What sort of effect is that?'

Harry looked helplessly at Neville who was staring wild eyed at him and saw his friend mouth 'parasitic'. It only Neville who knew so much about plants and Harry guessed that he would have to make it up to him. So far his friend had saved him from so many tight spots using his logics on plants.

'The Gillyweed is parasitic. When it is used along with Lilac leaves, it eats away on them. The Lilac leaves in return create a chemical that would be detrimental to the potion that is being brewed. Hence we have to use...' and Harry was wracking his brain for some explanation. 'We have to use some other ingredient to react with that chemical to reduce its negative effects.'

He looked around and saw everyone staring wide eyed at him. Even Hermione's mouth was slightly opened in shock and Ron was goggling in his direction.

Wow. Snape thought as he looked as shocked as everyone was at Harry. Wonders never would cease!

'You are correct. One correction though is that the two of them are never to be used together because the effect is detrimental and just that. That chemical you mentioned is called Amenythst and it is used only in slip up situations when the potion brewer has forgotten and used the two together. Other than that, very well done, Mr. Potter.'

After that, Snape walked back to the front of the class and the time passed as normal. He didn't address Harry again. However, his eyes lingered at most times on the boy. Just as the class was about to end, Hermione could have sworn that she saw a small smile play on Snape's lips and she frowned with worry. They were required to hand in their books after the class had finished and Hermione made sure she waited on Harry as he came down the aisle. Ron was standing on one side, a bit hesitant because he had not taken any notes during the class. Hermione snatched his book and handed it up.

However, before she could wait back and hear if Snape had anything to say to Harry, Ron had managed to pull her away.

'Come on!' he said wildly. 'We will miss Dinner!'

'Ron!' Hermione said through gritted teeth. 'Dinner is more than an hour from now!'

'Well, I thought that we would...' and he shrugged at her, 'maybe get a little more time to chat? When dinner begins I'm all for packing my stomach.'

Hermione's eyes moistened and she smiled. 'Alright. Let's go.' And she looked back at Harry and indeed saw that Snape was saying something to him. It would have to wait till this evening.

'A word after class, Potter', Snape had said when Harry went up to his desk.

Harry wanted as much to escape but he wanted to hear what Snape had to say. Standing to the right of Snape's desk, he waited until everyone had handed up their books and left. When Malfoy closed the door as he was the last to go out, Snape turned to Harry.

'About yesterday...I wasn't in a good mood and...Due to certain circumstances you were able to access my thoughts. I'm sure you heard quite enough to leave you enthralled but I assure you I didn't mean it.'

'You didn't?' Harry asked calmly as he began to fix the stack of books on Snape's desk unconsciously. 'Your thoughts sounded very convincing to me, Sir.'

'I was in a...mood.'

'Yea well that settles it. I'm glad to know you didn't mean that. Actually, I'm a bit relieved because that would be absurd.' And Harry was lying of course. There was this tingling feeling starting up from deep within his stomach and he knew that whenever that sensation commenced, it wasn't entirely good.

Deep down he knew Snape was trying to cover up what had really happened and he knew Snape was lying. The man looked as calm as ever and Harry wondered if he had indeed told the truth to Harry. Just for a moment, their eyes met each other's.

'Do you mean that, Harry?' Snape asked and Harry looked up a bit shocked.

'You just called me Harry?'

'Alright, did you mean that, Mr. Potter?' Snape restated calmly and he waved a hand in the air.

'I never said I had a problem with you calling me by my first name, Sir.'

'I'm sorry but it slipped off my tongue. I had no intentions of calling you Harry.'

'You don't need to apologise to me. No matter how many sorrys you put across, I'll never forgive you for what you did', Harry said and then clapped his hand on his mouth because he realised he had said too much again. He watched as Snape frowned.

'What did I do to you? Please highlight me on such a mistake so I can learn and desist from repeating such an action.'

'I...I don't want to tell you.'

'Then shall I resort to forcing it out of you? I can you know', Snape said threateningly and Harry backed away.

'If you only forcefully read my mind I'll...I'll –'

'You'll what?' Snape said smiling lightly. 'Will you hex me or attack me? You would never resort to hurting a teacher now would you?'

'I'd hurt you. Don't tempt me. I hate when people tempt me.'

'I wasn't tempting you, Potter', Snape said. 'I was just merely asking a question and demanding an answer. I want to know what I did to hurt you.'

'Fuck you', Harry said low and menacingly. Snape's eyes widened when Harry swore at him.

'Detention', Snape said sneering. 'How dare you.'

'My private life is none of your business!'

'It is when it concerns me!'

'Oh yea? Well stay out of my life!'

'I will!' Snape shouted and he began to walk away towards the door to the back of the classroom.

I can't let him go, Harry thought as he watched Snape make his way up the aisle. I just can't! What is wrong with me? I want him. Who am I fooling? I can't fool myself. I want him so bad too! He wanted to take back yelling at Snape and treating him so bad for the past few days so bad because Hermione was right. Snape was trying and maybe he was just being a fool by denying the change.

'You broke my heart', Harry said softly and because the classroom was so silent, Snape heard him clearly. 'You broke my heart. You don't know what it was like. Do you know what it's like to love someone who treats you bad and then when you finally got over them, you realise that they might love you now?'

Snape stopped sharply with his back to Harry and then turned around.

'I have to go', Harry said fixing the strap of his bag on his shoulder suddenly and he began to walk towards the door.

'I know how that feels', Snape said softly as he watched Harry walk up to him. And his voice was pained. 'I know exactly how that feels. I –'

'No you don't know how that feels!' Harry said stopping with fury in his eyes.

By now he was almost four feet from where Snape was standing. Snape was by the door and Harry realised that he had to pass him to get out. Why hadn't that occurred to him before?

'What would you know about my life and how I feel?' Snape asked loudly. 'Has it ever crossed your mind that I am a person who is capable of feeling? No! All you see is what you want to see Potter!'

'I know enough about your life to make a fair estimate of it! All death eaters are cold and sick to me!'

'So says the boy who just admitted that he fell for one', Snape said looking at Harry and Harry's angry retort got caught in his throat that had suddenly begun to constrict. Snape had just hit him and hit him hard. The man was absolutely right.

'Well I was a fool, wasn't I?' Harry asked without demanding an answer.

'We both are.'

'No, don't you go implying that I still might be feeling anything for you because I'm not. That's just gross and what happened last year was unexplainable. I don't know how it happened. I'm not like that.' And Harry bit his lips, waiting on what Snape would say.

'See you in detention, then', Snape said and he turned then walked to the door.

Harry was left with nothing to think but 'should I be glad I told him how I feel or should I have kept my mouth shut?'


	9. Chapter 9

WARNING! WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SERIOUS SLASH CONTENT: HOMOSEXUAL/GAY/MALE AND MALE/TEACHER AND STUDENT CONTENT. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF SERIOUSLY SENSITIVE TO HOMOSEXUALITY. IN FACT YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE THIS FAR IF YOU ARE ANTI GAY

(Hey! Alright so it's finally here. The moment you all have been anticipating. Just read on! I hope you like it. I have to admit this because my best friend says he'll kill me if I don't but I didn't do the sex scene. It could have been a little more explicit but we like to keep things simple. I'll get much more graphic in the later chapters, trust me ;) )

Chapter Nine – Giving It All Up

Edited by Nick Thomas

Spoiler: 'That isn't entirely fun', Snape said softly as he cupped Harry in his hands. 'I need to hear what you think of what I am doing.'

'It's –' And Harry moaned even louder as Snape pulled his erection out of his pants and began massaging it softly. 'That feels wicked!'

oOoOoOoOoOo

Harry knocked on the door to Snape's office and waited.

What he was feeling couldn't be explained because all these emotions were rushing through him. He had no control over them and couldn't find a balance to make him feel composed. All he wanted to do was to see Snape. He just wanted to see him and as the door opened, he thought to himself, fuck the past. Why to fuck the past? It was because his heart was leading the way right now and he hadn't felt like this in awhile. Last year he had suffered and suffered bad but was he going to give up this opportunity? Was he going to let it pass? This thing that he wanted so badly last year? He wanted to make nice with the man and even if he could not be romantically involved with his teacher then he could at least accept the kindness right?

'I didn't believe you would come', Snape said stepping aside and Harry went past him without a word.

Harry went into the room and seated himself on a chair by Snape's desk. There were a few papers on the surface of the table and he picked up a quill then began twirling it around.

'What am I supposed to do for detention?' Harry asked after awhile and he watched as Snape took his seat opposite him.

'Behold because this might be quite shocking but I had nothing constructive planned for you to do.'

'Oh really?' Harry asked and he smiled. 'Then I guess I'll just have to sit here and watch you mark papers. Watch how you go about grading our papers with your evil marks and ever so kind generous comments.'

'That might be too much.'

'Why?'

'Your gaze will divert my attention from marking, Mr. Potter', Snape said looking at Harry intently.

'And why is that so?' Harry asked.

'It's hard to focus when you are there staring at me. All these thoughts are in your head and they are...'

_Have you ever heard the saying that the one who has broken your heart is the only one that can fix it? Harry thought. In this case it's my teacher! How am I supposed to get my teacher whom I loved once to fix my heart? _

Snape stopped and gazed at Harry before he said, 'I assure you, Mr. Potter, I had no intentions of breaking your heart.'

'With every time I loved you, you hurt me deeper by throwing an insult at me. It was like a stab to my heart, you know.'

Harry was completely unaware that Snape had just read his mind. It seemed that whenever the two of them were together, the barriers they would normally hold up would suddenly vanish.

'Well you are over me now, I suppose. Now I have to rid myself of you intoxicating me. Smile at how tormenting that will be', Snape said tapping his fingers lightly on the desk and watching Harry.

His eyes were deep, Harry thought and the way he was tapping his fingers on the desk looked almost sexy. Harry couldn't help but smile. Sexy? Ha! What the hell?

'I'm not going to smile. You are going to go through a hell of a heartbreak then.'

'Trust me, it isn't the first time.'

'You know if I hadn't fallen for Ginny I would have given you a second chance', Harry said softly. 'She has my heart now.'

_I think I want you still. I'm so confused. I don't know what I want, Harry thought and he wasn't sure if Snape was reading his mind or not._

It was one of those times when your brain felt as if it was being ruled by your heart. He was feeling a whole lot of things and it wasn't as if he wanted to feel them purposely. Looking at Snape, he wished that it was simple. Love was never simple, he realised. He didn't know what love was. He didn't even know if he loved Ginny at all. Ginny loved him but did he love her? He realised that the thing with her was that she loved him so much and the energy she always channelled to him were very strong. Who could resist such a wonderful, kind and warm girl?

'Are you sure about that because your mind is saying something else', Snape said softly as he continued to read Harry's mind at ease without the boy knowing.

He knew it was rude to do so but it was different with Harry. With Harry, it seemed as if he had to make no effort whatsoever to break into his mind. It was almost as if Harry's mind was so open when he was staring at him. There were no barriers and he wondered if that was a good thing. Did Harry know he was reading his mind?

'I don't know what love is. I don't know what I want', Harry said and he closed his eyes then let out a frustrated sigh. 'I wish there was some simple way to know what love is.' He raised his hands and kneaded his eyes with his fingertips.

'Doesn't Ginny help you with that?' Snape asked. 'She's your girlfriend. The two of you look so taken up with each other.' And he ducked the tip of his quill into the ink bottle before him and waited on Harry to answer.

'She tries but I just keep fooling myself.'

'Fooling yourself about what?' Snape asked with the quill poise in mid air.

Harry didn't answer for awhile then he looked Snape in the eyes and said, 'fooling myself about being over you. I just keep fooling myself of being in love with her. She wants me and loves me but she's such a nice girl that's why I have given her everything I can for so long. Ginny is like a sister to me. The affectionate bit isn't hard. It just comes. The thing is though, I don't know what I want and at times I seem to know but then I believe I can't because of certain circumstances. One thing I know for sure is that I still love you.'

'You are so confused, Mr. Potter. Do you realise that? All of a sudden you are freelancing on your emotions, relating such and such to me when merely a day or two before this very one, you seemed to have hated me with a vengeance unlike any other. On the Ginny bit, what I can say is that you have to decide what you want and what you do not want. It is best to think about your life as such: you are a teenager and during the teenage years, reckless and amateur things happen. We all learn from them. What you should do is decide. Take your time. You are so confused, sexuality wise and likeability wise as well.'

'Oh you have no idea.'

'Bring your chair over here', Snape suddenly said putting down his quill. 'I want to show you something.'

'What is that?' Harry said getting up and lifting his chair then walking around the desk. 'You aren't going to seduce me are you? I am your student.' And Harry forced a laugh. The atmosphere seemed a bit lighter.

'You never cease to amaze me, Potter', Snape said smiling and he pulled Harry's chair closer to his.

'Is that good or bad?' he asked smiling.

'Allow me to simply say that when you amaze me, I have the tendency to smile.'

'And that', Harry said smiling, 'is something we don't usually see often so –'

'Go on and amaze me again', Snape said cutting him off and Harry stared at him with a bit of brightness in his green eyes.

'I told you I don't like when people tempt me.'

'Am I doing that?' Snape asked and he trailed his finger softly over Harry's right cheek then behind his ear.

'Don't', Harry said softly as he lifted his hand then removed Snape's hand softly. 'I don't understand all of this. Maybe I just need a bit more time to think about it. This entire love thing is so confusing. I need someone to like, explain it all to me.'

'I can help you understand what love is', Snape said hurt. 'Will you let me?'

'I don't want to be like that. It's not right. Besides, you are my teacher and I am your student. I don't think we should do that.'

He looked into his teacher's eyes and swallowed. It hurt to swallow because he wanted Snape so much but his conscience was telling on him. He just couldn't give in. He must not give in. He...

'How will you know if you don't allow me to show you?' Snape asked.

'I don't know what to do'.

'Kiss me', Snape said softly and he rested his fingertips on Harry's lips. 'Please.'

'This is not the Snape I know', Harry said softly as he took Snape's hand and held it. 'What happened to the mean teacher I have always known?'

Snape watched him for a moment and smiled wryly.

'He has fallen in love with his least favourite student and he doesn't know how but –'

And Harry couldn't take it anymore. He leaned over then pressed his lips to Snape's and held them there then pulled his head back. It felt so weird but right, Harry thought. Snape then inclined forward, without breaking eye contact and Harry's heart rate quickened as Snape closed the distance between them by moving his chair a bit closer. They were now facing each other.

'Am I tempting you, Harry?' Snape asked as he leaned in and their noses were side by side.

Harry nodded as his heart was now galloping like a racing horse wanting to reach the finishing line first. Wait, did he smell aftershave? That couldn't be! Snape could shave by using magic right? Why would he...but then he grew up in the muggle world. Maybe he preferred to shave.

'You are.'

'Do you want me to kiss you?' Snape asked and his breathe on Harry's face sent a wave of tiny thin raptures through his body.

'Please do', Harry whispered with his voice barely steady and he felt a deep this deep wave of tingling start up within his tummy and began to make its way up his throat.

Snape used his tongue to part Harry's lips open and then he flicked it against the inside of his mouth, driving tiny electric bolts from Harry's mouth to his heart. When he kissed Ginny, it never felt like this, he thought and allowed his teacher to roam his mouth. The sensation was overwhelming. He felt a hand work its way from his hair to tenderly massage his neck and all he could think was how can something so wrong feel so right?

Then Snape pushed him past the limit when his hand reached down and found its way on that part of Harry that was hardening. Harry felt himself growing harder and excited by the second. He welcomed the touch and wanted more. Grabbing Snape's hand, he pressed it firmly against his erection that was straining in his school pants and shuddered. Blimey! Even when Ginny touched him it didn't feel so deep and it didn't make him so aroused.

'Do you want me to help you with that?' Snape whispered after he had managed to part his lips from Harry's.

'Yess. Please.'

And he closed his eyes as he felt his pants being unbuttoned and zipped down. Then Snape's hand was touching him and because it was only his briefs that prevented the hand from touching bare skin, he moaned. Just when he was thinking that someone had to get rid of the barrier between Snape's hand and his erection, he felt fingers grab a hold of his bareness and he arched back with his eyes tightly closed.

'That isn't entirely fun', Snape said softly as he cupped Harry in his hands. 'I need to hear what you think of what I am doing.'

'It's –' And Harry moaned even louder as Snape pulled his erection out of his pants and began massaging it softly. 'That feels wicked!'

He felt Snape's fingers squeeze the tip of him and he grabbed unto his teacher's hand unconsciously with his eyes closed and his brain becoming fuzzy. He gasped.

'You're driving me crazy, Harry', Snape said as he felt Harry's grip on his hand. 'I can't get to you the way I want to. Come', he said as he zipped up Harry's pants and pulled him up, 'let us go somewhere which is far more comfortable.'

Harry couldn't stand firmly because his poor knees were so weak. He almost collapsed if it weren't for Snape's firm grip on his upper arm to steady him. He allowed himself to be led towards the door, out the door, along the corridor and then they were in Snape's quarters. Harry didn't even get time to look around before Snape's lips were on his and his head became dizzy again. He was so caught up in that moment of bliss that it felt like nothing he had ever felt before. This was an entirely new sensation that completely left him wanting more and more even though he was getting bit by bit.

Snape led Harry to one of his chairs in the room, their lips still on each other's and then the latter found himself seated on the chair and Snape was beside him.

'Shall we start over?' Snape asked when he pulled away and Harry nodded quickly.

Snape gently lowered Harry to a lying position with his head propped up on one of the chair cushions and he unzipped his pants once more. Harry was more erect than ever. He was so hard that it almost pained him to have had himself once buttoned up again. His pants felt smaller. When he felt Snape's hand close around him, he gasped even louder than before. His brief was being pulled down before he could even catch his breath and Snape had him out fully by the time he could even gather enough energy to let out another moan.

It was all so thrilling, Harry thought as he held unto Snape's hand, his grip tightening as the man massaged his hardness. Then Snape began to tease Harry by slightly jerking him between his fingers, feeling the boy grow hot in his hands. At the rate Harry was burning up and reacting, Snape believed that he didn't even need to be touched as much. He felt as if he would let go just by seeing and hearing Harry respond to his touch.

'Don't stop', Harry managed to whisper and Snape bent over him, their chests touching each other then he kissed him on the lips.

The kiss was hot and wet and when their tongues began to play around each other, Snape fingers travelled down Harry's length and began to rub the tip of his erection slowly. It was tormenting, Harry thought as he felt his body become lucid and heated. The way Snape knew just how to turn him on and keep him burning amazed him. Harry was so responsive that Snape realised that he wasn't handled this way before. The pleasure built incredibly as they kissed as Snape worked his way on Harry's erection. He watched every now and then as Harry's hands gripped the sides of the chair when he flicked his thumb over the very tip of his hardness and he couldn't help but lie flat upon the boy.

He was so hard and big, Harry thought as he felt Snape's erection pressing on his hot thigh. It was incredible! Harry managed to lift the leg Snape's hardness was resting on and he rubbed it against the hard throbbing erection, feeling Snape shudder above him. Right at that moment Snape wanted more from Harry. He wanted to fill him up with his hardness and get over himself within the boy but it was too soon. He had to give it time and allow things to barely skim the surface for now. He nibbled on Harry's burning ear and then his neck, taking in the young man's scent beneath him. It all drove him crazier by the second.

There was a slight bothering bee buzzing around Snape's conscience as he made out with Harry but he couldn't find the urge to stop. He knew he wasn't supposed to be with his student like this but Harry was too much. It was like if he had been entirely famished and just had to get Harry. He had to touch him and love him and he couldn't stop. He just couldn't because if he did, then both of them would not go on from there not feeling anything for each other. Harry would obviously be deeply wanting him from then on. How could he pull away now and make up the excuse that it was student and teacher and it couldn't happen? Ridiculous!

Snape worked his way up and down Harry until the boy's mouth was slightly open from the shrilling sensation ripping through him. He felt Harry begin to buck under him with his back arching at every thrust and then when Snape felt that the time was almost there, he pulled away from Harry and propped himself up with one hand as he looked at the boy beneath him. When Harry came in his hand, he still held on as he felt the boy shudder beneath him. He came a few seconds after in his pants after grinding against Harry's thigh and both of them collapsed beside each other, breathless from being almost thoroughly satisfied.

_Merlin's beard! What have I done? _Snape thought and he wasn't even aware he was staring into Harry's eyes.

'Oh shut up', Harry whispered and he pulled teasingly at Snape's nose then reached out to hug him.


	10. Chapter 10

Ginny was waiting for him in the Common Room as usual. He almost tripped over his own feet when he saw her sitting by the fire. Guilt immediately engulfed him and his hands suddenly grew colder with every step he took towards her. What was he to do? She looked up and beamed at him.

'Hey, Harry.'

She stretched out one hand for him to take and he almost didn't. Should he tell her what had happened? No, he thought as he took her hand and sat down next to her, he wouldn't. He just couldn't. It would break her heart entirely if he did such a damn thing.

'Ginny. You waited up', he said softly, avoiding her eyes.

'I always wait up for you. I always want to be here after you return from your secret battles around the castle', and she smiled wryly at him. 'Where were you tonight? Even Ron or Hermione didn't know.'

'Ah, I had remedial potions with Snape again', he said in a low and steady voice.

That seemed like the best excuse at the moment. After all, he was known for taking extra classes with Snape during his fifth year, when in truth, he had been taking Occlumency lessons. Of course, Ginny had never known the truth about him taking Occlumency lessons to help shield his mind from Voldemort.

'Again? You're taking that with him again?'

'Yea, his idea of getting on like terms with me, I guess.'

'Yea, I guess. I suppose that's another step towards him being nice to you.' And she took his chin into her hand and tilted it towards her. 'You look a bit troubled', she said softly as she studied him, 'your face is pale but your eyes are bright. I wonder what is going on inside that head.'

Harry felt this small lump form in his throat and thanked God that she wasn't a Legilimens like Snape and himself. He felt so confused and utterly lost at sea that he wanted to crawl in a hole and be given about a month to think about what he wanted. He knew he wanted Snape and had always wanted Snape since last year but did he want to give up Ginny? God no! He couldn't do that. She was so nice and sincere to him and was always there for him. She had proven herself most loyal and trustworthy to him over the months, something to which Snape would have to do in time.

For now it had to be her as the number one in his life. But he wanted Snape. No he wanted Ginny. Oh God.

'What's wrong?' Ginny asked as she noticed his eyes becoming distant.

'It's nothing. I was just thinking about something.'

'Snape is it?' she asked and she took his hand into hers then gently began to massage it between her slim fingers. 'What did he do to you?'

Harry looked at her blandly. 'He didn't do anything. It was just a bit different tonight, I guess. There weren't many insults and...Well, the usual.'

'I'm glad to hear that the two of you are getting along now.'

She suddenly brought his face closer to hers and touched her lips on his. Holding them there, she ran her fingers through his hair and then parted his lips with her tongue. Harry allowed her to do that and as he felt her tongue flicker hotly inside his mouth, he couldn't help but think of Snape doing the same to him earlier. It was tormenting to look into her eyes and know that it was Ginny kissing him and not Snape. She closed her lips around his mouth and began to kiss him deep and hungrily and he just couldn't kiss her back.

He couldn't.

Ginny pulled away and looked into his eyes almost confused. 'What's wrong?' she asked with her hand around his neck.

'I-I'm just tired', he said and sighed.

'So tired that you can't kiss me back?' she asked softly and he looked into her eyes and saw that she was confused and sad at the same time.

He rarely saw Ginny sad. Harry realised that he had never seen her cry before and he didn't want to see her cry ever. Why was he so stupid to think that he and Snape could actually have something? There was nothing that could come out of him being with a teacher almost twice his age. Harry forcefully tried to block memories of Snape from his mind and he allowed Ginny's eyes to capture him and hold his attention. It wasn't easy but it worked.

'I'm sorry. All that Potion brewing has my mind clouded a bit', he said and pressed his palms on either side of her cheek. 'Come here. Let's try that again.'

And he kissed her back just the way she had kissed him a few seconds ago. He kissed her hungrily and passionately and when her back was on the sofa and he was on top of her, he allowed her sweet scent to invade his nose and sting his eyes. Her hair smelt like strawberries, just like how her lipgloss tasted and it was so sweet that it turned him on all the way. He couldn't allow Snape to come between the two of them could he? There was still time to decide, he thought as his hand roamed beneath her blouse. Right now, Ginny was all his and Snape was the Exception Factor.

'I love you, Ginny', he whispered into her ear.

'I love you too, Harry.'

And that, Harry realised, was something Snape had still to tell him.

oOoOoOoOoOo

'The _Chosen One_.'

Harry spun around and saw Snape standing behind him in the dimly lit corridor. That morning he had quickly escaped from the Common Room before either Hermione or Ron had the chance to ask him where he had been last night. At that very moment, he was about to venture outside the castle since he had two free periods before his next class.

Snape looked back at him and actually smiled. Harry realised that his Potions Teacher was the last person he needed to see right now.

'Good morning, Sir', Harry said avoiding Snape's eyes.

'Hello. Where are you off to?' Snape asked and he immediately sensed the tenseness in Harry's stance.

'I'm going outside to study for your test', Harry said softly and he purposely turned his head this way and that as if to look out for someone.

'Is that so?' Snape asked as his head swivelled around in tune with Harry's. 'You really want to get an A in my subject this year don't you?'

'I have to go, Sir', Harry said quickly as he saw Hermione and Ron coming along the corridor.

The last thing he needed was for his two best friends to meet him up here with Snape standing there. He couldn't even begin to imagine what Snape might say or what Hermione might think. She being the smart one might pick up something in the air and that wasn't what he wanted now.

'Oh', Snape said as he noticed Hermione and Ron approaching them, 'I see. Might I see you later, ah Harry?' And Harry's head jerked up at the sound of his name once more escaping Snape's lips.

The man's voice could curl anyone's toes and at that moment, a sensation was developing deep within his stomach that wasn't feeling pretty promising. In fact, if he didn't move right there and then, he might begin to blush deeply. In fear of showing such a weakness, Harry took a deep breath and continued walking.

'No, Sir', he said as he passed Snape. 'I can't.'

'But –'

Harry had already walked off a good way even before Snape could continue. The man was left standing there speechless as he watched Harry's departing figure.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Harry continued to avoid both Hermione and Ron for the entire day. Even when he went into Transfiguration class, he sat way at the back just to avoid them. It wasn't as if they would know what went on last night but Harry wasn't in the mood entirely to speak on such a topic at the moment. He was feeling so confused at the moment. Actually, Harry couldn't even believe he did what he did last night. Looking back at it now, it seemed so right then but now...it just appeared desperate and...

'Mr. Potter!' and for the second time that day, Harry spun around to face Snape. 'Can I have a word?'

'No', Harry said in a rush and he backed up along a crook in the corridor so that passing students couldn't see him talking to Snape.

Snape studied him for awhile and Harry diverted his eyes immediately to avoid the man reading his mind. It was a bit intimidating to have Snape standing there and not think of touching him. He was so handsome and one thing Harry noticed was that his Potions teacher wasn't looking completely sallow skinned today. In fact, Snape was looking normal and not too pale or evil.

'What's...the hurry?' Snape asked and he folded his hands then began to walk forward towards Harry.

'Don't-don't do that, please. People might see us and think –'

'Think what? That something is going on between us? That Harry Potter has suddenly fallen for his least favourite teacher who happens to be a death eater?' And now Snape was actually sounding very emotional.

'Snape please-please don't say it like that', Harry said and his head was beginning to pound.

'In what other form do you want me to say it?' Snape asked and he was losing his composure.

_Something_ was flickering behind his eyes that caused Harry great pain to look at. Harry himself was losing his stance and he wanted to just walk away and pretend that nothing ever happened but he couldn't. He just couldn't leave Snape standing there once again without saying how he felt.

'I just can't-it was a mistake', Harry said forcefully and watched as Snape registered what he had said. 'I can't do that. It's not right. Please let's forget it ever happened because it's not what I want right now. I'm sorry.'

Snape looked back at him blandly and then he took a tentative step towards Harry. Placing palm on Harry's cheek, he lightly trailed his fingers down his neck then bit his lips. It was too much, Snape thought.

_I want to be with you, Snape thought._

'I-'

'Shhh', Snape said putting his finger on Harry's lips, 'you are going to hurt me if you walk away, Harry. I cannot...think of you walking away from me. After what developed between us in the past few days, I cannot let it slip away so quickly. Give me a chance.'

And he leaned it almost kiss Harry but their lips didn't meet. Instead, both of them pressed their foreheads together and breathed hotly into each other's faces. Flushed, Harry pressed his body into Snape's and felt himself becoming completely aroused as he felt Snape pressing unto him as well. Oh God, Harry thought as he stood there, I want to kiss you so bad. He ran his hands over Snape's chest and felt the man's hard chest beneath his fingers. His hands found their way along Snape's arms and he fingered the muscles that were firm to his touch. Snape was indeed fit. It was a wonder that people never thought about that. Maybe it was because he always wore long sleeved robes that completely hid his figure.

'I don't want to walk away but we can't be together the way we want to', Harry said softly.

'Let us try. No one has to know. Just...be mine.'

'But Ginny –'

Snape pressed his thumb upon Harry's lips. 'I don't want you to be with her. Please leave her.'

'It's not that simple, I –'

'I love you so much, Harry. Please.'

And Snape turned around and walked away. It was just too much, he thought as he went and not for a moment did he turn and look back at Harry. He just couldn't do it because if he did, then it would force him to touch Harry again. That couldn't happen in the middle of the corridor. Not at all.

oOoOoOoOoOo

'What was that about?' Ginny asked as she came behind Harry.

Harry turned quickly around to face her and when he did, he saw that there was a very angry expression on her face. Her cheeks were crimson and her eyes kept darting this way and that as if she had something to say and wanted to say it now.

'What was what about?' Harry asked and he knew that Ginny had seen what Snape had done to him. She probably heard every word too.

'Oh don't pretend as if he wasn't here and he didn't say what he did!' she said through gritted teeth. 'I heard every word of it!'

'It meant nothing!' Harry lied but he knew if Ginny had seen everything then what he had just said wouldn't make any sense.

'I saw how he touched you', she said and tears were now coming forth. 'I saw the look in his eyes and you didn't –'

'You don't understand!' Harry yelled and when he looked around he saw that there weren't anyone around to hear.

'I don't understand? I don't understand because you never took it up to explain any of this to me! I thought you said you got over him last year! Harry you lied to me!'

Harry shook his head and stepped back. 'I didn't-Ginny please listen to me. Please!' he urged when she made an attempt to leave. 'I don't know what has happened –'

'Go ahead and tell me that the two of you made out last night. Go ahead and save me the agony of finding out from someone else. I want you to say it. Say it!' she yelled and when he didn't answer she began to lash out at him furiously.

'How dare you! That's bloody disgusting! And right after you did what you did, you came upstairs and we kissed! Eeew!'

'I never meant for it to happen! I'm sorry!'

'Sorry?' Ginny asked stepping daringly towards him, 'you are sorry? Sorry for disgracing me like that? I don't believe this happened and you never told me! You could have told me and I would have tried to digest it at least. We could have worked out something. I understand how you felt for him but you were the one who said that that was the past and it would never happen again. You said that you hated him. Why didn't you tell me that you didn't love me no more?'

'Please Ginny. I love you. I really do but right now...it's all confusing.'

'That was confusing?' Ginny asked and she forced a laugh. 'Harry Potter you are so dim-witted! Are you trying to tell me that you are still confused about your feelings for Snape after what I just saw? The way you touched him and you two seemed so...taken up in each other? You still love him!'

'Please don't hate me for this –'

'I don't hate you for being you, Harry! I hate you for using me like that! You just had to tell me that you were still confused about loving him.'

'You would have been hurt by it!'

'I still ended up being even more hurt by finding it out like this!'

'You're like my sister, Ginny. I never meant to hurt you like this. I'm so ashamed of what I did to you.'

'Don't be. Don't be because at least I'm sure now that you wouldn't have continued seeing him and me at the same time. So you're done with me then?' Ginny said and she wiped her eyes and tried to look composed. 'When you have decided on what you want, tell me. If you still want to be with me, I'll be waiting. But don't ever make me a fool again, Harry, like how you're making Ron a fool. I'm a girl. I have feelings and I really, really love you. I love you so much that I am going to-to let you choose what you want. I'll be alright with it. I'll force myself to accept it.'

'Ginny you are so considerate', Harry said feeling a tear slide down his cheek.

'It's what happens when you love someone so much. You want the best for them. I just hope Snape wants the best for you.'

And even before Harry could answer, she turned around and walked off, her ponytail bouncing behind her. Then someone smacked him hard behind his head and when he turned around, there was Hermione and Ron. The latter had a grim expression on his face and well the former, she looked very cross. Oh what a great day this was! Harry thought.


	11. Chapter 11

(Sometimes you may notice I use simple words without fancy vocabulary. At other times you will notice how my writing changes: I begin to use serious vocabulary with very descriptive words and so on. Those times are the times when I am using my experiences to write: using my senses and memories to develop my story. Thanks for reading!)

Chapter Eleven – Despair and Distraught

Edited by Jess David

Spoiler: He looked out into the sky and then forest, his lungs contracting with every second that went by. This was his last moment, he thought, he would jump and everything would be alright.

oOoOoOoOoOo

'Oh we heard alright', Ron said glaring at him and for a moment, Harry realised that he was the last person he wanted to know about his confusion with his sexuality. Sometimes, you just couldn't tell even your best friend your deepest thoughts in fear of them losing faith in you.

'So you're indeed _gay _then aren't you?' Ron asked rounding on him and the word hit Harry like a punch to the ribs. 'To think that I stood up for you that day when Malfoy accused you of being with that greasy hair git and all the time...all the time it was true!'

'Ronald stop it!' Hermione cried, her eyes darting from Ron to Harry in fright. 'He's your best –'

'All this time I thought I knew the real Harry Potter: the one who everyone looks up to and calls their hero. And then you go embarrassing us. You –'

'How did I embarrass you?' Harry asked wildly, his eyes filled with fury and tears.

'You used my sister!' Ron bellowed and his voice echoed along the hallway. 'You bloody hell used Ginny and left her distraught at your indecency! How dare you?'

'Ron!'

'No!' Ron shouted and he pushed Hermione away frantically. 'I'll have my say here and now and I don't care who hears it.'

'Well', Harry said painfully. 'Go ahead and have your go!'

'You hid all of this from me since last year. You –'

'I had my reasons from hiding it from you', Harry said through gritted teeth.

'...lied to me, told me that you love my sister and –' Ron continued.

'I do love her!'

'Don't you dare say you love her!' Ron shouted into Harry's face. 'I have three words for you, Harry Potter: you are pathetic. You're pathetic and you know why? You believe that just because you are some celebrity because of what happened to you and is happening to you, you can go about using everyone to your advantage.'

'I have never used you, Ron!' Harry shouted.

'You used me, and you've always used me, having me in the shadows and lying to me and my sister! You broke my sister's heart and I'll never forgive you for that! Now she's gone to cry her eyes out. Ginny doesn't cry just like that! You bloody git. You're just like Snape. Maybe that's why you two feel the same for each other. Because you both are vile and dark and -'

'Ron! Stop it!' Hermione begged, her eyes filled with tears. 'He's your best friend! You don't mean any of that!'

'Oh I mean it alright and since you're here as witness, I'll say it once and for all. Harry Potter, you have just lost me as your best friend. You make me sick!' And Ron glared at him one more time then turned and stalked away. And he turned back one more time.

'You know, you're no different from You-know-who. Both of you find it normal to use people just to be happy, just to get satisfaction and both of you are twisted.' And he walked off.

Hermione stood there watching him go and then she turned to Harry, unable to control her sobs. He stood there looking shocked, bewildered, confused, hurt and deeply anguished. She was afraid to touch him or even comfort him because something was flickering behind his green eyes: something deadly.

'Harry...'

And he sniffed and stepped back, his eyes still on Ron's departing figure.

'Harry he didn't...he...don't listen to what he has to say. I'm here for you. I –'

He turned away, his hands gripping his bag ever so tightly and stalked off. He stalked off and left probably the only person who understood him and would always be on his side, standing in the corridor, her brown eyes red and filled with tears. She let out a loud sob and ran in the opposite direction, taking a corridor which would lead her to the girls' lavatory. She bent over the sink, her brown hair falling into her face and cried because for the first time since they had known each other, Harry had walked away from her. He had not considered her as his best friend still and had left her there.

oOoOoOoOoOo

He couldn't sleep. Everything was so confusing and he was anguished by such mixture in emotions. Never had he felt like so for three people all at once. The very sight of Ginny made his heart quiver and his guilt build up to such maximum that he had to divert his eyes from hers. The very thought of Snape ravished his dreams with such intensity that he found it difficult to find peace at sleep in the nights. And the thought of Ron made his insides squirm, made his heart clench from anger and pain.

Not so long after had he stepped feebly from bed did he have such a terrible dream of Snape. It was all darkly sad and satisfying at the same time.

Snape had come to him in his death eater attire, his eyes hooded with evil and lust. The man's pale face, when it was revealed from behind the mocking mask, showed anger. His black eyes were cold and empty. A cold hand traced the outline of Harry's face, causing him to tremble. Snape's fingers felt like thin wisps of chilling cold air drawing a line on terribly heated flesh. Even before the man leant in for a kiss, he evaporated into smoke and Harry woke up with a bone chilling laugher pealing in his ears. He got up and gasped for air.

Was that all Snape wanted? Did he want to make Harry a mere object of mockery so that he could reminisce on and have a laugh at?

He woke up so angry and sweaty that he had to quickly sprint downstairs and out of the common room for a bit of fresh air. His invisibility cloak was forgotten of. Harry walked quietly down the corridors dimly lit by yellow glowering lamps and tried to contain his feelings and compose himself. His breaths came in forced ins and outs as he padded along the carpet. What was happening to him? His hands were on his clammy face and then he found himself pulling at his sweat soaked hair.

Was he going mad?

Harry got to a corridor along the outside of the castle walls unplanned and he stood there, facing the dark sky and haunting grounds. He allowed a deep sob to escape from inside him and pressed his cold palms on his face. His head felt dizzy and his eyes burnt.

'God help me', he whispered painfully and looked up towards the sky. 'Why is this so difficult? Why am I feeling this way? Make it stop! Make what I'm feeling for him stop now! Why are you doing this to me?'

Harry grabbed unto the railings, his face wet with tears and lifted a foot up. Placing it on the lower railing, he felt his chest quiver from anguish and fright. He stood up, on the railing with his hands steadying himself and straightened up, full force. With his knees against the railing and his feet on the railing itself, he was standing dangerously in such a position that any sudden move would cause him to lose his balance and fall to his death. That was what he wanted right there and then. He wanted to die. He was lost and confused and so distraught that he wanted to die.

Death seemed so favourable at the moment. He couldn't live on and have to face reality if he committed suicide. He wouldn't have to face Snape and Ginny nor Ron anymore. Hermione, Sirius...well they would learn to do without him. Even Voldemort closing in on him right at that moment didn't make him feel a least bit worried. He could face his death now and face it without fear. That was how he was feeling.

How could he be in love with a death eater? It was as if he was mocking his own pride in the fight against Voldemort. Sleep with one of his death eaters and feel free to call yourself a big hero.

_You coward_, Voldemort's voice jeered at him. _When I get my hands on Snape I will extinguish his flame of existence. You dare fall in love with my faithful servant? How touching: the boy with the scar is fraternising with the enemy._

The cold breeze caressed his face and sent electric bolts of shock from the tip of his nose down to his toes that were becoming cramp. He looked out into the sky and then forest, his lungs contracting with every second that went by. This was his last moment, he thought, he would jump and everything would be alright. How he wished Voldemort was there right now to lift his arm, wand fixated on Harry's forehead and yell 'avada kedavra!' He didn't want to be...and the word caught in his parched throat.

Gay.

Was he indeed gay? He still loved Ginny somewhat and Cho was a bit of a mistake. It wasn't his fault when it came down to him ending it off with her. Cedric dominated her fruity dreams. And Ron's words kept ringing in his ears. He could already feel a stinging headache creeping up his numb neck and making its way to his temples. The left side of his head was growing numb.

_Jump_.

He made a huge mistake by casting his eyes down to the grounds below. Harry felt his knees wobble beneath him and then without thinking, he just bent forward. His arms flailed at his sides and his feet were slipping off the railing. He was going to fall now to his death.

And then he felt strong arms grab him from behind and pull him backwards. Because of the sudden movement, his head felt light and he became very nauseous. The arms remained around him and his body remained pressed to the person behind him. All he could think about was how nearly he had escaped jumping to his own death. He had been so close! And then the arms manoeuvred him to face whoever it was.

'Harry!' Snape cried with his dark eyes bright with fear. 'Bloody hell, Harry!'

He gripped Harry's arms hard and pushed him back against the stone wall. They both stared at each other intensely: one gaze dominated by fright and concern and the other by fright and helplessness. Harry's eyes were now becoming moist with tears that managed to escape freely now that the cold wind wasn't whipping unto his face. A dull flush of colour appeared on his cheeks now as Snape stood blocking the wind from reaching him.

'What the devil are you playing at?' Snape demanded as his grip remained firm. 'You were going to jump?'

Harry's green eyes avoided meeting Snape's. 'No I wasn't. I –'

'Harry how could you do that?' Snape asked furiously. 'How could you be so selfish and decide to terminate your life? Do you know how many people are trying to protect you from dying and there you were choosing to willingly volunteer to kill yourself?'

'No one cares about me, not the real me anyway', Harry muttered.

'Many people care about you, Harry. If no one cared then you would not have been standing here', Snape said softly. 'Jumping to your own death, giving yourself up to die is very cowardly. Life is unfair as always and I constantly drill that into your head, Harry. It does not mean we have to give up. It means we have to push forward and keep going. Had you jumped, that would not have solved your problems.'

'Yes it would but what would you know about wanting to die when everything didn't go how you wanted it to? You have no idea how it feels to be ashamed of what you are and have your best friend turn their back on you because of what you are.' And Harry sobbed, his head bowed.

If Harry had been looking into Snape's eyes, he would have seen something flicker behind them.

'I know how it feels', he said softly. 'Trust me. I know exactly how it feels.'

'I wish it would stop', Harry said and he grabbed his hair with both hands. 'It did and you brought all of it back.'

'Well I am thoroughly sorry for loving you', Snape said hurt and Harry raised his head to look at Snape. 'I never knew you once loved me. Probably if I had known it would not have made a difference then but now...it does. Indeed I am sorry for hurting you but it was never intentional.'

'It was intentional. You hated me because I resemble my father.'

'You resemble him but you are not like him', Snape said and he caressed Harry's chin with his thumb. 'It's a pity I took so long to figure that one out. I take long to figure many things out. It's a flaw of mine. And do you know what else is a flaw of mine?'

'What?' Harry asked as he stared into Snape's eyes. 'I cannot control my feelings when I think about you. Everything I do reminds me of you. All the time you are in my head and it is so difficult to clear my mind of you whenever I have to face the Dark Lord and Dumbledore. The very thought of you makes me so vulnerable that I am losing control and the only way I can steady myself is...if you help me.'

Harry was at a loss for words. Never had anyone told him that before. He was afraid that his silence would mean something entirely different but he was afraid to speak. Looking into Snape's eyes made him feel so warm and whole, something he had never felt before. It felt so alien. He wanted to wrap his arms around him and hug him, take in his scent and warmth.

'I don't know what to do', Harry said. 'I'm afraid and this is only making me lose friends and become a target of humiliation.'

'Just be yourself. People who cannot accept you for being you are not worth being your friends. Trust me, those who mind about who you really are don't matter and those who matter wouldn't care if you were a hideous rogue: they'd still be there for you. And personally', Snape said leaning in with his lips inches from Harry's, 'I am not prepared to lose you because', and he pressed his lips to Harry's sending jolts of electricity through his body then pulled away, 'I love you.'

'I love you too', Harry whispered and he took fistfuls of Snape's dishevelled hair into both hands then pulled his head forward. 'I just wish you weren't a bloody death eater.'

'Well the odds are against us aren't they? Dear God, if you had fallen over that railing, I would have died as well. When your mother died, she took half my heart away with her and if you do, you'll take care of the other bit.'

'You'd be a goner', Harry said smiling and he was feeling a bit alright already. Having Snape with him made him feel loads better. 'The entire wizarding world would collapse with us two gone, wouldn't it?'

'Indeed, thoroughly thinking about it now. Quite rhetorical isn't it? The two people who are out to save the day are the two people who –'

'Cannot live without each other', Harry finished and Snape smiled and kissed him softly. 'Who would have ever thought that the teacher I hated the most would end up being the person I can't live without?' Harry asked pulling away.

'A likely story, and who would have thought that the student I loathed on and wanted to expel was the one person I would come to learn that I cannot breathe properly, find composure entirely when he's not around.'

'Very poetic aren't we?' Harry asked teasingly.

'As always, you never cease to be modest.'

'How was I being modest?'

'Complimenting yourself...'

'I was commenting on you too!' Harry said laughing.

'I am hardly poetic.'

'So says the man who once told me that he can teach me how to 'ensnare the senses, bewitch the mind, bottle fame, brew glory –'

'Don't...push it', Snape said seriously then he laughed after losing composure. 'A few minutes ago you were about to jump to your death and look now, you're making fun of me.'

'That's what you do to me', Harry said softly.

'Right back at you, Harry Potter', Snape said and he pressed his body to Harry's then kissed him long and deep.

(I'm wondering if I should continue. Hmm. Do you think I should? This chapter had too many dialogue but sometimes you're so caught up with saying how you feel that the very thought of explaining how the person is feeling is quite difficult. When I was in this situation, it was all about what I said to her and what I felt. I was never sure how she felt. It was all about me. You see, do notice how I was expressing Harry's suicidal thoughts quite deep. When Snape came in, I ceased to describe in great detail how he was feeling. It leaves you in suspense to figure out how he was feeling. This wasn't the end of my story though. In fact, the end is quite dramatic and depressing. That is why my question to you is to if I should continue. You read my story, you decide because I don't want to disappoint you.)


	12. Chapter 12

*Alright, for all my reviewers, I thank you ever so much for your kind words and encouragement to continue There is a big ending in store so stay tuned!)

Chapter Twelve – The Initiation Ceremony

Edited by Jess David

Spoiler: 'He hurt you didn't he?' Harry asked softly and immediately Snape's eyes became focused and he looked across at Harry. 'Voldemort...did he hurt you?'

'No, I don't know what you're –'

'Please don't lie to me', Harry pleaded and there was a bit of sadness in his eyes. 'If you love me please don't lie to me. Did he hurt you?'

oOoOoOoOoOo

The very day after, Harry was feeling a bit better. He woke up a little too tired though but nevertheless he felt fine. The bright sun was shining through the window and all he could think about was how stupid he had been last night to actually consider taking his life. Thinking about it now, Snape had been right. Too many people were placing their necks on the line to protect him and he was about to give up. Only cowards gave up that easy. He couldn't let one small difference in him make him feel completely worthless. After all, he had far more better qualities that outshone him being gay or partially gay.

He still wasn't sure as yet as to what he was and it felt wrong to take a specific side based on how he felt. On one hand, he thoroughly still loved Snape and on the other, he couldn't say that he didn't find girls attractive as well. Maybe it was just a phase he was going through and he hoped it was but what he felt for Snape was something deep and intense. The night before when Snape had held him tightly in his arms, he had wanted nothing else but to just give in and love him right back with all his heart. And maybe he had been indeed fooling himself for a year now that he had gotten over Snape.

Stretching his hands high above his head and yawning, he noticed that Ron's bed was already empty. Of course it was. Ron was trying his best to avoid speaking or even having eye contact with him. It was almost as if what he was feeling was contagious. Like Snape had said last night, those who matter don't mind and if Ron hated him for being how he was then it just went to show what sort of best friend he was. He decided that maybe he would come around like how he did in fourth year.

And then he remembered Hermione.

Getting up, he quickly got dressed and then grabbed his school bag but then dropped it unto his bed after he realised that today was Saturday. He went down to the Common Room and found Hermione sitting by the fire, her head bent. He was obviously reading some book but as he got nearer he was proven wrong. She was just staring into her lap.

'Hermione', he said softly and her head jerked up when she heard his voice. 'I need to talk to you.'

'You finally came around. I was beginning to wonder whether I was still your best friend at all', she said sadly and sniffed.

'Why would you even doubt that?'

'After you walked away from me yesterday I thought Ron had made you hate both me and him at the same time. You didn't even remember that I never doubted you or how you feel.'

'I'm sorry', he said sitting down next to her and she forced a smile. 'You're the bestest friend anyone can have.'

'Thanks', she said brightening up and then grabbed his arm and pulled him up. 'Come on, let's go down by the lake. I want you to tell me what happened between you and Snape.'

oOoOoOoOoOo

'So did the two of you...' and she screwed up her face then squint her eyes a bit.

'No we didn't', Harry said smiling and she let out a huge sigh of relief.

'Well thank God for that because you shouldn't go that far. I mean, in your case it's going to be difficult to think about getting married and then going the length...I don't know how it works for that sort of love.'

'Who said anything about marriage?' he asked smiling, 'me marry a death eater? Hardly, especially with Voldemort on the move.'

'I know. That's a bit strange isn't it? I mean, Snape is a death eater, we both know that and yet he seems to love the one thing the man he serves for hates. That's a bit rhetorical isn't it?' she asked playing with a strand of grass.

'Yea it is. I just hope his feelings for me is as genuine as mine', Harry said sadly. 'I'd hate to think that he was playing with my feelings like that. But you should have seen him last night. He wasn't the Snape you're accustomed to seeing. I mean, he has changed so much.'

'Well I don't think I'd like to see that Snape. He might scare me even more than the usual one but I'm glad that you are a bit happier today. I mean, after last night and what happened between the two of you, it's like the two of you bonded somehow. You were distraught and he rescued you.'

'In a way I owe him. Had he not been there I would have jumped', Harry said thinking about it now.

'How stupid can you be Harry? Honestly sometimes you are so self-centred. If you had jumped I would have been so mad at you and so sad at the same time!' Hermione cried and she whacked him over the head with the rolled up Daily Prophet. 'Anyway, I'm glad Snape is around to save you from making a fool of yourself.'

'We have Defence Against the Dark Arts next', she said after a while.

'What? Today is Saturday!'

'Honestly, Harry you are so lost in time! Today is Friday! So that's what love does to you!' she exclaimed and her forehead creased as she began to obviously think about Ron. 'He's such a fool', she said and sighed. 'I'm not talking to him until he apologises to you.' And she got up.

'But aren't you angry at me for what I did to Ginny?'

'What did you do to Ginny?' Hermione asked and sighed. 'Oh come on Harry! Had I been in your position I would have done the same thing. You just were with her to try to get over Snape but it never worked did it? I mean, look at it this way, at least she found out before it was too late. Besides you were going to tell her weren't you?'

'Yes I was!' Harry exclaimed and after he had, he pondered on the fact as to if he was telling the truth or not. Would he have told Ginny?

'Well there. Ron is a git.'

And he smiled because at times he just didn't have to completely explain himself to her. She just knew.

oOoOoOoOoOo

'Snape's new favourite student', Malfoy muttered as he brushed past Harry on his way out of the classroom.

Harry just had to smirk at such a statement coming out of Malfoy's mouth, considering that not so long before, he had been the source of Snape's attention. It was always Harry Snape loathed after in class. And like many times before, he began to wonder deeply why was it that all of a sudden, Snape had taken up a liking to him. Why was it that the man had suddenly decided to turn his back on harsh words and constant retorts and decide to love Harry? As he watched Malfoy's departing figure, he realised that in this all, he was the one that wasn't sure about what he wanted.

Before he realised it, he was the only one remaining in class. Hermione had gone after Ron, as much as she had stated that Ron was not her friend at the moment.

'Harry', Snape said from behind him and he immediately turned around. 'Are you feeling any better today?'

'Uh, loads better', he said calmly and his eyes travelled along Snape's jaw line to his eyes. The man had such intense black eyes that seemed to penetrate into your very soul. At that moment when Harry was looking at him, he just couldn't build up the wall to block his thoughts. It felt so difficult that he allowed his mind to appear weak under Snape's gaze.

'Well that is good because...I was beginning to wonder if I'd have to be around you every second of the day to make sure you don't take your life.'

'I'm not going to do it again. I was so stupid last night', Harry said brushing back his hair with one hand. 'I was a total wreck. Still nothing has changed though. I just have to learn to live with it.'

'Live with what exactly?' Snape asked and he sat down at the edge of a desk and rubbed his palms on his pants. 'Are you referring to me or your friends?'

'Both actually. Ron still refuses to talk to me and Ginny has been avoiding me all the time', Harry said rubbing his right temple with a finger. 'I haven't been invited to the Burrow for this summer so I'll have to go back to the Dursleys and I hate the thought of it. And then there's you. I still can't come to think of you actually loving me. It's so hard to process.'

Snape looked into Harry's eyes then diverted his eyes to the wall in front of him. He seemed to be thinking about something awfully deep because his eyes were shadowed, almost as if a curtain had been drawn over them. Harry continued to look at him and as he did, he began to consider Snape with his eyes like he had never really done before.

There he sat with his back not too stiff and not too crouched. His long sleeved black robe gave him a formal and sharp yet deadly look as he sat there with his eyes fixed straight ahead. Harry's eyes travelled down to his hands that were pressed palm down on his lap and found the man's fingers to be just as slender as he had know them to be. However, the fingers were a bit raw at the knuckles. What had Snape been up to? Was there another meeting with Voldemort? What had happened? And then he saw the thin red line barely peeking out at him from the neck of Snape's robe.

'He hurt you didn't he?' Harry asked softly and immediately Snape's eyes became focused and he looked across at Harry. 'Voldemort...did he hurt you?'

'No, I don't know what you're –'

'Please don't lie to me', Harry pleaded and there was a bit of sadness in his eyes. 'If you love me please don't lie to me. Did he hurt you?'

Snape looked hard into Harry's eyes then his features softened and he bit his lips. It was an action that Harry had never seen on such a person. To bite your lips was to hold back a strong wave of emotion or a retort. Most times it could be a casual move but he doubted whether it was that in this case. And without thinking, Harry got up. He got up and went to stand in front of Snape. With his eyes level with the black ones, he raised a hand and fingered Snape's collar then he ran his finger softly across the cut. Snape flinched a bit then when Harry used his other hand to caress his face, he relaxed.

'He did', Snape said quietly. 'He performed the Cruciatus curse on me four times.'

'But why?' Harry asked with his forehead creased with concern and worry.

Snape reached up and pressed a palm on Harry's hand that was resting on his cheek and he sighed. 'I refused to perform something on another death eater and I paid for it.'

Harry stared at Snape with his eyes full of confusion. 'What did –' he begun to ask but Snape shook his head vigorously and lowered his eyes.

'Please don't make me relate it to you, Harry. It is too painful for me. I cannot speak of it.'

'Well can you at least think it and let me read your mind then?' Harry asked and he found that that was a weird suggestion of his. Where did that come from?

Looking at Harry, Snape took awhile before he actually did relate anything to Harry and at first the latter thought the other wasn't going to say anything further on the matter.

_Do you know what death eaters do for their initiation ceremony to become a servant to the Dark Lord? _Snape asked and Harry shook his head.

_Well when I became a death eater, I was only at the age of nearly twenty one. What the Dark Lord has in mind is to make us remember our initiation probably for as long as he will be here. That night, I had to succumb to sexual violations to my person._

'Wait a minute. What?' Harry exclaimed and his eyes widened with shock. 'Voldemort made some other death eater touch you inappropriately?'

Snape blinked forcefully and reached up to wipe a faint tear at the side of one eye.

_Touch me alone? Harry, I was raped. I am so scarred by that I can't seem to ever forget or –_

Harry brushed Snape's hair from out of his pale face and kissed him softly on his cheek. What a traumatic experience! He couldn't imagine such a thing being done and realised that Voldemort was capable of anything. He would indeed push evilness beyond the point of insanity: driving people mad and laughing at the sight of them dropping to their knees and begging of him to stop. He wanted to ask Snape so bad what else had happened but he just couldn't. It would probably leave the man heartbroken.

'Who did it?' Harry asked as he cradled Snape's head on his shoulder.

With his chin resting on Harry's shoulder and his eyes already teary, Snape stared fixatedly at the wall again and whispered, 'Lucius Malfoy.'


	13. Chapter 13

WARNING! WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SERIOUS SLASH CONTENT: HOMOSEXUAL/GAY/MALE AND MALE/TEACHER AND STUDENT CONTENT. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF SERIOUSLY SENSITIVE TO HOMOSEXUALITY. IN FACT YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE THIS FAR IF YOU ARE ANTI GAY

*Don't worry this is officially the end but surprise! There happens to be a chapter following this that will give a bit of an into the future view of things Dear me I spoil you all don't I? Lol. I hope you have enjoyed my story and I'll be looking forward to seeing your thoughts in your reviews alright? Thanks a lot for your support! And say thanks to my best friend for doing the sex scene! Lol. He's the boss!*

Chapter Thirteen – Love Runs Deep

Edited by Nick Thomas

Spoiler: 'Well you shocked me too.'

'Did I?' Harry asked lifting himself up and gazing into Snape's eyes. 'I mean, I think I overdid myself...as usual.'

'There you go boasting, you arrogant, sexy wild beast. Always the tone of surprise', Snape said smiling.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Harry pulled back and stared wide eyed at Snape. 'But he didn't have a choice did he? I mean, did he volunteer or –'

'He volunteered to get highly honoured', Snape said. 'Like he always does, he wanted to be highly favoured by the Dark Lord.'

'But that's just horrible!' Harry stated. 'How can you face him since that happened?'

'I can face him. If I can face the Dark Lord, what is he compared to him?' Snape asked. 'Anyway, a young boy seemed inclined to join us early this morning when we had a meeting. Harry, he was no older than you and all I could visualise in him was you being there. Every time someone joins us I get so furious at them, especially younger people but then, that's what I did...' and Snape allowed his sentence to hang on a bit.

'He wanted me to carry out the...well, make the boy an official death eater by doing such and I couldn't do it. I just stood there hooded and all that raced through my mind was you. Of course my mind was so vulnerable then that he was able to read it easily. His words were 'if Potter was here, you'd do it then? I see he's occupying your mind at the moment. Maybe it is him you desire to initiate into our little circle by making him a man at last' and he laughed. Then when I didn't answer he tortured me.'

'Oh my God', Harry whispered. 'Do you think he knows that you...we –'

'If he knows about me loving you? Of course not. He wouldn't dare believe that. He is ignorant to the fact of love, Harry', Snape said painfully. 'Harry you don't know how torturing it is. My life is terrible. Maybe I should kill myself.'

'No don't talk like that', Harry said and he pulled Snape closer to him, embracing him in his arms and nuzzling his face into his hair. 'I can only imagine what it's like to be in your shoes. You can't give up or else...or else you'd leave me and I'd –' And Harry couldn't control himself. For a long while he never lost control over himself like that. He buried his head deeper into Snape's hair and cried.

Snape felt him shaking beneath his grasp and held him tighter. He didn't know Harry was crying until he heard him sniff and only then did he pull away and look him in his eyes. Teary anguished eyes stared back at him and he used his thumbs to wipe the wetness away.

'I don't want you to cry, Harry', Snape said softly and he leant forward then kissed Harry on his forehead. 'Please don't cry.'

'Promise me that you wouldn't kill yourself then...that you wouldn't die and leave me.'

'I can promise you I wouldn't kill myself but the timing of my death is not up to me to decide on.'

'I don't want you to leave –'

'Harry, listen to me', Snape said as he held Harry's head between his hands, 'no matter what happens to either of us, you will always remember that I love you alright?'

'Don't leave –'

'Will you remember that?' Snape asked cutting Harry off, 'will you remember that I love you and trust me when I say I always will?'

'I-I will remember', Harry said hoarsely and swallowed what felt like a lump of fear. 'Will you remember that I love you as well?'

Snape gazed into Harry's eyes and then pressed his lips softly on Harry's. 'I will always remember that', he said parting his lips almost an inch away from Harry's. 'I can't ever forget that.'

Waving his wand, the door swung shut and the latches fell into place leaving him and Harry alone and undisturbed. Given the opportunity they both had been dying to have for quite some time now, Snape crushed his lips hotly on Harry's and used his tongue to part the boy's lips. They kissed passionately and both of them became lost in complete bliss. It was like if they were suddenly lost at sea using each other as life saving jackets to stay above the water.

Harry allowed Snape to take full control of it all. His body began to respond as it should and just when he felt himself harden, Snape reached down and cupped him in one hand, sending him up the wall. Harry leant back against Snape's hand that was bracing him from behind and began to work his way, grinding his hardness into Snape's hand. Their lips met then Harry trailed kisses down Snape's neck and up again to his cheek then nose and forehead. He felt hot breath on his neck as well, sending pulsating waves of ecstasy down his neck and along his spine.

His school robe fell off his shoulders and unto the concrete floor as Snape devoured him with passion and need, taking his time to touch those most sensitive parts of him. It was as if Snape knew exactly where to touch him to turn him on. Hands were rubbing their way along his firm, hard chest and then around to his back to savour the smoothness of his skin. His head was spinning so that he couldn't exactly remember when exactly his shirt buttons had been undone. All he knew was that for the first time, Snape's bare fingers, his hands were on his bare skin along his body.

This wasn't like the first time they made love. It was entirely different because this time both of them wanted more. Harry wanted to be touched completely: everywhere. He wanted to feel Snape's hands over his bare skin: his back, his chest, legs and below the waist. That part of him was tingling already to be fondled with and rubbed raw. Was it possible to want so much pleasure that you were afraid you'd suffocate if you couldn't be fully pleased? That was how he was feeling at the minute, as the seconds went by. He couldn't seem to get enough, well, just as yet.

Harry managed to fully gather the strength and composure to use his fingers and unbutton Snape's shirt. When he reached the final button, Snape got up with his hands in Harry's hair now and allowed the latter to feel his hardness against him.

'We can't do it here', Snape whispered hoarsely. 'Come.' And he began to lead Harry to the classroom door.

'Oh God, hurry', Harry said frantically as Snape peeped out from behind the door then made haste to grasp Harry's hand and pull him out into the dimly lit corridor.

They were only two doors away. Two doors. They weren't even fully inside Snape's quarters when their lips forcefully met again. Fumbling to close the door, behind him, he felt Harry's hands slide beneath his shirt and over his bare chest. The feeling felt overwhelming and surreal. When was the last time some actually touched him with bare hands beneath his shirt? Snape couldn't remember and didn't want to. It was all about Harry at the moment and when he felt fingers slide over his too sensitive nipples, he moaned.

'I want you, Harry.'

'Take me now.'

But he wasn't going to give in just yet. Harry wasn't the type to give in easily and fast. He savoured prolong teasing up to the point where he couldn't control it any longer: then he'd give in. As they stumbled backwards into the room, unsure of where they were heading to, their feet led them to the couch where it all happened before. This time however, a mere minute had passed with intense and passionate kissing when one of them lost their balance and tumbled unto the carpeted floor, taking the other along with him.

Harry was on top, sitting on Snape and he could feel the firm erection between his legs pressing against him. How enthralling it was to know that not only you were turned on but the other person was as well. It felt like when one was feeling guilty by making a wrong move but someone else was there to support the person as well. He slipped his shirt from his shoulders and took it off, resting it on the couch. How well structured he was, Snape thought as he ran his hands over Harry's chest. His body was slightly tanned and the way his arms were well muscled and his chest flat and firm...

He watched as Harry worked his fingers over the button on his pants and then his fly was unzipped. Pulling down his pants, he watched as Harry's eyes focused on his erection, his expression wild and nervous. Harry ran his hand over Snape's hard member with trembling fingers as he thought to himself how large the man was. Well of course he had expected it but to see it for real, it was almost shocking. He had never seen another man bare before in his life. Come to think of it, this was the first.

Snape saw Harry staring at him and couldn't take the prolonged agony of anticipating touch. He grabbed Harry's hand and pressed it firmly on his bare erection, gasping as warm fingers touched the length of him. Using one hand to massage the tip, Harry worked his way up and down Snape's throbbing penis. He felt hands pulling down his pants then his briefs and Snape was working him too, slowly then fast...

'Faster', Snape urged and Harry began to pump even harder and faster, his breathing quickening as he felt Snape keep up pace on him as well.

He used his thumb to rub the tip of Snape's penis and watched as the man gasped. With pre-cum dripping unto his fingers, he continued to rub in slow circular motions. Then Snape managed to get up half way and he kissed Harry hungrily, this time allowing their tongues to entwine like snakes. His head tilted on one side and his eyes were partially closed when Harry felt Snape's finger insert itself into him. He pulled away and gasped loudly, throwing his head back as sharp waves ran from his bottom, along his erect penis and upwards through his spine. That was it. He needed to be touched there more than ever.

Fumbling with a jar that he took from his pants, Snape unscrewed it and dipped his slim fingers inside. They came up back tipped with a green vaseline of some sort. Lying back down, he slid a finger coated with the substance into Harry's opening and then another. Harry moaned loudly as he felt the fingers enter him and work their way around inside him. He dipped a few fingers in the jar as well and began to massage Snape's hot, hard penis.

And it pained for Harry to touch him again because he was so hard that he couldn't take it. He wanted desperate release and yet Harry was tormenting him even further. The boy knew how to foreplay nicely. Was he even conscious of the torment he was causing?

'Will you take me or will I take you?' Snape asked softly.

'Since I'm on top I guess I'll take you', Harry said and he grabbed unto Snape's penis.

This was it, he thought as he held on and positioned himself to direct the hardness in his hand inside of him. He had never done this before but yet he knew what he had to do and it had to be done fast. Snape grabbed onto his hardness as well to help Harry along and when the tip of his penis was at Harry's opening, barely an inch inside, he felt the boy shudder above him. With his eyes closed, Harry felt so excited and turned on that he believed for Snape to enter him would drive him crazy.

'I'll do it', he said hoarsely and removed Snape's hand then took full control.

'Alright, Harry', Snape said as he felt Harry's hand grab him fully and he held Harry's shoulders instead.

Harry slowly lowered himself unto Snape's penis, using his hand to direct it up into him. The lubricant didn't help much with it because Snape was thick and he was well, tight, so naturally it did hurt. He couldn't do it, he thought as he raised himself a bit off of Snape's erection.

Snape watched Harry's face express a bit of agony and heard him moan above him. He got a bit worried that it wouldn't go through. Not meaning to be rough though, he held unto Harry's waist and directed his penis back to Harry's opening.

'Severus...I think it will hurt. I don't know...ahh!' Harry cried when Snape pulled his buttocks down and forced his entire length into his hole. 'Oh my God!'

The pain was excruciating and pleasurable all at once and Harry's eyes watered.

'Harry!' Snape exclaimed and made an attempt to pull out but Harry shook his head.

'No, don't...I want this. But please help me, I don't know...I don't think I can...'

And he felt Snape begin to pump in and out of him, slowly then faster and faster then slow and faster...He planted his hands firmly on Snape's chest and rode him on his own. He gathered the courage and braved the pain and rode Snape's penis with rigour and passion. Harry felt the intensity of pleasure sap away the pain and he welcomed it with a smile.

'Oh shit!' he cried as he rammed Snape's hardness in and out of him faster and faster. He twisted his hips in circles to increase the pleasure and felt his hole stretch with the entirety of it all.

'Bloody hell!' Snape exclaimed and threw his head back then closed his eyes. Harry was extremely tight around him every thrust was driving him nearer to climax. 'Harry!' he shouted when he felt Harry begin to circle around and pump harder. 'Oh my goodness! Ohh!'

Minutes went by without either of them climaxing but growing nearer to it with every agonising second. It was thoroughly ecstatic and above the limit, Harry thought as he continued to ride Snape. What was happening inside of him was excruciatingly and terribly incredible! His hard penis lay in Snape's hand as it was massaged and with every thrust Harry gave, Snape jerked him. Then he felt it coming. He felt it coming like a wave building up as he watched from the shore. The wave was coming and with it he could feel thorough bliss and sexual excitement beyond anything he had ever felt in his life.

'I'm coming!' Harry cried and braced himself for it.

'Look at me, Harry!' yelled Snape and Harry felt Snape release himself inside of him.

A few seconds after, he came as well in Snape's hands that had gone limp when he had orgasm. Harry fell forward unto Snape's chest and the two of them breathed deeply as if they had just ran a race.

'Dear God', Snape muttered and he ran his hand through Harry's hair. 'Harry that was absolutely...awesome.'

'My words exactly', Harry whispered unto Snape's face. 'I never knew I could do that.'

'Well you shocked me too.'

'Did I?' Harry asked lifting himself up and gazing into Snape's eyes. 'I mean, I think I overdid myself...as usual.'

'There you go boasting, you arrogant, sexy wild beast. Always the tone of surprise', Snape said smiling.

'Sexy wild beast..hmmm. I like it!' and he kissed Snape's cheeks softly. 'Want to hear my nickname for you?'

He was afraid to nod but he did. 'What is it then? Go ahead but beware because in case you haven't noticed, something is still in my hand and I can take revenge.'

'Oh I'm so scared '_longman_'.' And Harry watched as Snape's eyes widened then he smiled. 'And if you cannot remember, I can use my hands as well.'

'Longman?'

'Oh that's self explanatory isn't it? I mean you _are_ long and man you're _thick_ so I –'

But he didn't get to finish because Snape grabbed him and turned over so that Harry's back was on the ground. 'I told you not to tease me.'

'What will you do?' Harry asked breathlessly. 'Longman...'

'This', and Snape drove himself into Harry again and watched as he gasped and shuddered under him. 'See? I told you not to tease me.'

'Blimey you're huge!' Harry exclaimed as he tried to gain focus.

'And you're very tight.'

'Perfect combination, I'd say', Harry whispered and Snape reached down to nibble his ear.

'Perfect indeed, Harry', he said and began to work his way in and out again.

'I love you so much, Sev', Harry said when he felt himself grow hard again.

'I will love you always, Harry', Snape moaned and this time, he took full control.

THE END


	14. Four years after

FOUR YEARS LATER 

'Shall I pour you a glass of orange juice, Professor Snape?' Harry asked smiling as he held a slice of toast buttered with cream cheese near Snape's mouth.

Moving in closer with one hand rested on the kitchen counter, Snape narrowed his eyes and smiled. 'How many times have I told you not to call me Professor Snape?' he asked wrapping a hand around Harry's waist and pulling him closer.

Harry slid a finger over the cream cheese and rubbed a bit on Snape's lips then laughed. 'It sounds sexy to me', he said and when their lips met, Harry licked off the cheese and moaned. 'Professor Snape.'

'If you say so.'

'Every time I touch you, you always become deeply aroused.'

'Do I?' Snape asked pressing his body to Harry's.

'Yes, I'm touched to know how excited I make you.' And he brushed his hand lightly over Snape's erect penis beneath his jeans.

Bracing Harry against the counter, Snape lifted him up to sit on the ledge and kissed him hard and deep. His fingers travelled through the dark dishevelled hair and then down Harry's back, gripping his seat firmly in his hands. Just the smell of Harry drove him crazy and after all these years, it was the same all over again. No matter how many times they made love, it always felt like the first time: extremely satisfying and deeply passionate. It was two years after the defeat of Voldemort and they were still together. Two days from now would be their fourth anniversary as a couple and it felt like just yesterday they had first ventured out on that road, both of them uncertain of where it might lead them.

Harry wrapped his hands around Snape's neck and savoured the closeness of the man's body to his. He broke off from kissing Snape on his lips and his mouth travelled down the man's warm neck, leaving kisses along the way as he went.

'Oh Severus, I love you.'

'Keep on saying that and I'll have to prove how deep my love runs for you right here and now', Snape moaned as he leant his head back to take in Harry's kisses along his neck.

'Four years and yet, I just can't get enough of you.'

'Well there is one solution', Snape said into Harry's hair.

'Oh really? What's that?'

'Let's have a go at pleasuring each other again and see if we can deeply satisfy ourselves this time around.'

'OH you are so demanding', Harry said kissing Snape again.

'Well this_ is_ my house, after all.'

And Harry slid off from the counter and moaned as Snape pressed against him firmly. 'Severus.'

'Harry, touch me now, please.'

Sliding his hand into Snape's pants, his fingers closed around the hard, thick and hotly aroused penis. Snape began to grind his hips against Harry, moaning as his hardness moved between Harry's grasp.

'Bloody hell, that feels good.'

'With us being at work all week, there wasn't much time to satisfy our needs', Harry said and managed to laugh.

'The Ministry works you too hard.'

'And the University works you too hard.'

'No, you're the only person that works me, Harry', Snape said hoarsely as he pumped into Harry's hand.

And just as both of them were about to orgasm, the doorbell chimed.

'Dammit!' Snape muttered. 'They can wait another minute!'

'Shit!' Harry muttered as he came in his pants and he felt Snape do the same in his hand. 'Oh God!'

'Harry!' Snape moaned loudly and collapsed against his lover.

And they heard the doorbell chime again.

'Coming!' Harry shouted over Snape's shoulder as he pulled out his wand and worked a cleansing charm on both of them.

The sound of the front door opening and then closing made both of them jump. Snape stepped back quickly and rubbed his hand over his face then tried to smoothen his shirt and he watched as Harry did the same.

'They thought I said come in!'

'Well it sounded like that, Harry!' Snape exclaimed.

They both watched as Hermione peeked into the kitchen then when she saw them, she smiled broadly.

'They're in here, Ron!'

She had on a pink strap dress and pink sandals. Coming forward, she threw a shy glance at Snape then beamed at Harry who shook her hand with his left hand.

'Hey, Hermione!' he said pumping his hand in hers.

He felt a bit self conscious actually because Hermione didn't miss the move. Her eyes took in everything and as usual, her brilliance did the work. She looked at his right hand which was behind his back and her cheeks became flushed.

'Hey Harry...Professor', she said shaking Snape's hand warmly. 'How have you two been? Last time we saw you two was at Thanksgiving last year!'

'Oh don't be so sure of it, Hermione', Ron said coming into the kitchen. 'Come to think of it, were you two at Thanksgiving at our house?'

And Ron came forward, wrapping Harry in a brotherly hug then he turned to Snape.

'Nice to see you, er, Professor', he said nodding in Snape's direction and the latter did the same in return.

Harry was glad that Ron had come around. It had taken him time but he eventually did reconcile with Harry. They had both come to the general conclusion that neither could live without the other being their best friend. Simply put, Hermione nagged the hell out of Ron to make up with Harry. Ron was still to take a liking to Snape and accept him though but he was working on it.

'And for your information, we were at your house last year and we did run into each other a few times in town', Harry said.

'Well time goes by so quickly these days. Very soon is the wedding, you know', Ron said smiling at Hermione.

'How wonderful', Snape said.

'Wonderful indeed', Ron said eyeing him nervously. 'Nice shirt, by the way. Matches your eyes perfectly and since you're the woman in the relationship, maybe you should get a skirt to go with –'

'Ron!' Hermione cried fiercely and jumped when she heard Harry laugh.

'I'll consider it, Mr. Weasley', Snape said as he eyed Harry as well then he couldn't help but stifle a laugh.

Later on that evening when they had finished eating, Ron got himself busily occupied with Harry's video game control system and Hermione, Snape and Harry sat outside.

'He's such a child', she said eyeing her fiancé warily then turning back to look at Harry and Snape. 'The two of you are so perfect for each other. Aww.'

'Thanks, Hermione', both Snape and Harry said and they both laughed.

Harry got up and sat upon Snape's lap and nuzzled his head unto his chest.

'So, Hermione, how are your studies going so far at the University?' Snape asked as he ruffled Harry's hair.

'It's going great actually. I know I'll get an A in your course. Potions is so fascinating now, as compared to at Hogwarts.'

'Well I understand you there', Snape said softly. 'Love changes you.'

'It indeed does', she said watching Harry who couldn't control himself, as he began to nibble on Snape's neck softly. 'Seems like he and Ron will never grow up.'

'Well, I have to count my blessings there then. If he had been older then I wouldn't have had twice the fun I have with him. Such a sprite fellow he is.'

'I am indeed', Harry said smiling and all of them jumped as Ron bellowed from inside 'TOUCHDOWN!'

'Oh honestly!' Hermione muttered and Harry as well as Snape laughed at her outburst.

'Hermione, do you like my ring?' Harry asked and he held out his left hand for her to see.

She took his hand and stared at the ring in awe then looked at Harry then at Snape. 'Wow! Did you two...are you two planning on...?'

'Well we have considered it and would like for it to be so. I do want to spend the rest of my life with him', Harry said.

'Married at forty', Hermione said smiling at Snape. 'Well let's think of it as this, it at least happened for you.'

'How smart, Hermione', Snape said smiling as well. 'I always knew I wanted this but was desperately stubborn to admit it.'

'And by this he means me, I figure', Harry said and he sighed. 'I would have never thought that my life would have ended up this way: being in love and together with Sev and living here. It all seems like a dream sometimes because everything is so perfect and I'm happy. I'm so in love with him.'

'I love you so much too, Harry', Snape said and kissed Harry lightly on his cheek. 'I would have never thought the same come to consider it.'

'Well both of you were thoroughly surprised. At least it happened for the best. I'm so happy everything turned out this way because everyone is happy.'

'Even Ron', Harry said gazing inside at the bobbing figure on his sofa.

'Even Ron', Snape and Hermione repeated and all of them knew how hard it had been for Ron to accept that his best friend was gay.


End file.
